Pocho Ocho Top GOP Picks for Latinx Heritage Month 2017

frito-bandito“Hispanic” Heritage Month, the officially-approved celebration of Latinx and their contributions to the United Estates of America, started Thursday.

Donald Trump’s GOP has proposed their own list of praise-worthy Hispanix for next year’s fiesta — assuming Trump wins — and POCHO has gotten a sneak peek at their nominations.

Peep this Mexclusive list of the Pocho Ocho Top GOP Picks for Latinx Heritage Month 2017:

8. The Frito Bandito

7. The Taco Bell Chihuahua

6. The Chevy No Va

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top GOP Picks for Latinx Heritage Month 2017

Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

obamaweedFormer stoner Barack Obama doesn’t think marijuana “is more dangerous than alcohol,” according to The New Yorker:

“As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life. I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol,” the president said.

But if mota is not more dangerous than alcohol, what is? Here are the top eight contenders:

Mas…Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

LatinoUSA Audio: Al Madrigal and Lalo Alcaraz’ ‘Big Adventure’

POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (you may also know him from The Daily Show with Juan Estewart) are thankful for lots of stuff. Al is thankful that his son’s school’s athletic mascot is not racist, Lalo is thankful for his new Bordertown gig with Fox, and POCHO is thankful LatinoUSA with Maria Hinojosa let us share this audio from everyone’s favorite Latinos from the Future!

PREVIOUSLY ON LATINOS FROM THE FUTURE:

Mas…LatinoUSA Audio: Al Madrigal and Lalo Alcaraz’ ‘Big Adventure’

Even George Zimmerman can’t believe what an asshole he is

zimmermanbjustedsquare(PNS reporting from CENTRAL FLORIDA) Even George Zimmerman  cannot believe what a total stupid asshole he is.

“Can you believe this guy? And by ‘this guy’, I mean ME. I keep getting pulled over for speeding, once I even had a gun in the glove compartment of my car! Me! A nationally hated guy, only famous for being a trigger happy dumbass who racially profiled and then killed a black child, is driving around the country over the speed limit, with a fucking gun! What balls I got on me! They must be made of brass! Let me check,” he said in an exclusive interview with PNS.

The 29-year-old self-styled Neighborhood Watch vigilante was detained this morning by police in Lake Mary, FLA after his estranged wife called 911 saying he had a gun and she was afraid for her life.

Mas…Even George Zimmerman can’t believe what an asshole he is

Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)

sheriffjoelong(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Now we know why child killer George Zimmerman was speeding through Texas with a gun in his vehicle — he was on his way to a new gig in Maricopa County, AZ.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio broke the news in a Tweet late Wednesday night: The sheriff has a new school patrol posse, and it includes Zimmerman, a failed cop wannabe.

Here’s a better picture of this new “sworn officer” (click to enlarge):

Mas…Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)

Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime

GATE1(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) Neighborhood Watch volunteers across the nation’s gated communities are posting Twitter photos of Naked Geraldo to frighten off dangerous junk food-toting hoodie-wearing kids.

Award-winning journalist Geraldo Rivera, who proclaimed in his initial Tweet that “Seventy is the new Sexty,” snapped the nude photo of himself in the bathroom in order to fight the rampant scourge of black teen crime.

In the wake of the child-killer George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the homicide of Trayvon Martin, the support for crushing “Black On Sidewalk” crime has been boosted by law abiding citizens everywhere, and the Naked Geraldo photo has been a big help.

Mas…Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime

NYPD fingers, pinches ‘twisted’ Geraldo Rivera in ‘sexting’ probe

geraldoselfie(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) Cable news reporter Geraldo Rivera was named a “person of interest” Sunday and detained for questioning in a “sexting” case by police here after he posted a twisted semi-nude “selfie” on Twitter. [Editor’s Note: Ruh, roh! Looks like Mr. Rivera has deleted that Tweet! But that’s the photo from Saturday night, for reals.]
Complaining Tweeple from around the world overwhelmed the NYPD website, email and phone banks Saturday night and Sunday with reports of a twisted Geraldo floating around the Internets, calling him a “flasher” and a “pervert” and saying they felt threatened.

Offline, residents of his high-end Upper West Side cooperative apartment building called the NYFD to report the smell of sulphur coming from his penthouse.

Mas…NYPD fingers, pinches ‘twisted’ Geraldo Rivera in ‘sexting’ probe

Breaking: Activists say Zimmerman verdict hurts the babies

pigeon(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Repercussions from the Zimmerman acquittal — which officially confirmed suspicions that nighttime walks to the store by brown and black children are risky, potentially fatal excursions — are already hurting area youngsters, according Avian-American activists.

“Trayvon Martin was just a kid walking home from the local store with Tribbles and a drink, and he ended up dead. That’s troubling,” said Southern California Birds of A Feather (BOAF) regional director The Rev. Al Pigeon (photo) in carrier email to PNS. “Now Moms are afraid to let their kids go out and my flock is having a hard time making a living.”

“Where do you think our food comes from?” he wrote. “Berries? Minnows in the Los Angeles River? Delivery from Urban Spoon? Don’t be a bird brain! Our loaves and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish are out on the street. If it wasn’t for Spittles and Flamin’ Hot Dingoes crumbs on the well-trod path between home and the 7-Eleven we’d have shit to eat. Now that’s what we call a ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death!’ And what about the children?”

East Los BOAF chapter head Popocatepetl Paloma agreed.

Mas…Breaking: Activists say Zimmerman verdict hurts the babies

White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

ronstadtbrown“White Hispanic” is one of mainstream media’s hottest new buzzwords, a term that has leaped off of old census forms and job applications to join the ranks of “twerking,” “3-D printing,” and “Death to Edward Snowden!”

The mainstream media needs to distinguish between different colors of Latinos because it was too polite to ask  “Why is Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, so… DARK for his name? And isn’t Aaron Hernandez, that allegedly trigger-happy New England Patriots player, a little… LIGHT for his?”

I guess I could be called a “White Hispanic,” as my dad’s from Colombia and my Yiddishe momme reps Brooklyn.  I really wish it didn’t take two high-profile killings to bring Latino-and-white people into the public eye, but Linda Ronstadt (photo) and Joan Baez aren’t making new albums and Little Ricky’s been off TV for a while.

Mas…White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

Breaking: Zimmerman arrested in bizarre gun heist

zimmermanbustedbig(PNS reporting from SANFORD, FLA) George Zimmerman is back in jail here tonight, arrested after a bizarre attempt to pinch his pistola from the police evidence room.

Zimmerman, 29, got away with murder Saturday night in the killing of unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin. Under Florida law, he is entitled to the return of his child-killing semi-automatic, a Kel-Tec 9mm handgun.

But the law apparently wasn’t moving fast enough for Zimmerman, who took matters into his own hands (sound familiar?) and attempted to sneak into the Sanford Police Department evidence room and retrieve his roscoe (photo, below.)

The Z-man tripped a security beam and cameras spotted the semi-disguised Zimmerman (photo) before he could go on the lam with his swag. The Zimster was formally arrested at 7:30PM Monday night on suspicion of burglary.

Mas…Breaking: Zimmerman arrested in bizarre gun heist

Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias caught Driving While Brown in Arizona

Chicano comic Gabriel Iglesias found out first hand what it’s like to be caught Driving While Brown in Arizona.

Iglesias, who is currently on tour, was pulled over between Yuma and Phoenix in his giant tour bus (that bears his likeness and name), and his entire crew was subjected to a “papers please” search.

Iglesias said after the incident that he has “madd love” for Arizona but might paint his tour bus with Larry the Cable Guy next time around.

Click all the way through to see Gabriel’s own quote!

By way of the mas chingon Three Sonorans blog!

Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Mitt Romney’s list of potential vice presidential running mates is now down to three finalists, campaign insiders report:

  • Wei Chen, Chengdu, Sichuan, China
  • Sadashiv Gupta, Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
  • Ester Ramirez, San Antonio, San Miguel, El Salvador

All three offer various strengths to Romney.

Highly energetic Wei Chen is currently employed at the Foxconn plant in Chengdu, and makes iPads, although he has never seen the complete product.

“I wake up, go to work for 14 hours, then I go back home and go to bed, wake up and do it again,” says Chen, 25. “Being Mitt Romney’s running mate would be a welcome change to my schedule, and perhaps stifle my thoughts of suicide.”

Mas…Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names

Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets

The covert cash in their PayPal account they hid from the judge wasn’t the only George and Shellie Zimmerman Family Secret. POCHO espills the beans:

8. George and Shellie were married at a Ku Klux Klan Rally

7. George roomed with Mitt Romney at False Police Academy

6. The couple was once kicked out of Disneyworld for following seven hoodie-wearing dwarfs

Mas…Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets

First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist

I am compelled to award the first George Zimmerman Prize for Ignorant Racism to Joaquin Amador Serrapio, the Miami college student who threatened on Facebook to assassinate Pres. Barack Obama.

Serrapio recently pleaded guilty to threatening the president’s life but claimed that he simply aimed to rile up Obama supporters on the Internets. In other words, he’s a troll.

It’s not the first time Serrapio has acted trollishly.

His now-private Twitter feed included gems such as “Why can’t all girls be white? :(”  and “Martin Luther King day: the day where black people forget it was a white man that abolished slavery,” which makes no sense since the people actually enslaving African-Americans where white.

Seriously, if slaves could have ended slavery it would have created a rip in the space-time continuum or something. And besides, what does that have to do with Martin Luther King?

Mas…First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist