Hispanic labor federation backs Romney nomination

(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The Latino Labor Association and Limpiadores Alliance today announced they are backing former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney in advance of Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary vote.

LALALA president Ed “Big Tiny” Calvados said Romney offers the best hope for Hispanics to achieve the American dream of fame, fortune and greed.

“The choice is obvious,” he said. “Gingrich wants to take our food stamps and ghetto language, Santorum’s trickle-down stinks and Rick Perry’s Tejano tushie will get spanked in the general election.”

“Mitt walks the walk. Take his position on jobs,” he said. “Mitt has eight houses, and if you figure a gardener and a housekeeper in each, that’s almost a dozen and a half gente off the welfare rolls and onto the payroll.”

“Mitt’s new health care plan gets rid of the government bureaucracy. RomneyCare places your health back in the hands where it belongs — your mother’s. A nice steaming bowl of posole does wonders no red tape death panel can match. We like to call it the Miracle of Hominy Care!”

Rival group South Carolinians United for Michele (Bachmann) is sticking by their choice of the Minnesota congresswoman despite her leaving the race.

“LALALA, we can’t hear you,” said SCUM chairperson Chuy Chocolaté.

“I’m not supposed to say this,” he added, “but Romney’s religion is a factor. A lot of Latinos with Native American roots felt let down when genetic testing revealed they are not really descended from the Lost Tribes of Israel, like it says in the Book of Mormon. If Romney’s book was right, they’d all be rich Jews!”

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