(PNS reporting from the YUCATAN) The emergency Leap Year meeting of the Eschatological Chronology Society ended in disarray here Thursday as doomsday gurus couldn’t agree on whether the Mayan Apocalypse should be calculated in Colored People’s Time, Chicano Time or Jewish Standard Time.
Scientists at the conference were hoping to resolve the question before Leap Day on Feb. 29 and go home with a solid fix on how many days are left before the Lunar-Based Aliens from Mars that NASA is hiding do their Lunatic thing and immanentize the eschaton.
Now the tick-tock boffins will have to reconvene and deduce the time warp again.
“First of all,” said Florida A&M researcher Ndugu X. Washington, “it’s wrong to even think of their being only one time per se. As Brother Fanon said, we are living on Colored People’s Time because we are ‘resisting bourgeois society’s stifling constraints.’ We will not allow the Man to determine our reality.”
“OK, sure, holmes, we know,” countered Cal State Pocho professor Manila Envelopé. “Chillax. Mañana is good enough for me.”
Manischevitz Institute of Technology theorist Moishe Picklestein was incredulous.
“You call this a conference? With the heat so hot you need huaraches?” he said. “Oy, my tuchis is schvitzing like a Budweiser poured by Ed McMahon, he should rest in peace. Oh. Sorry I’m late.”
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