(PNS reporting from RANCHO POCHO ESTATES) In a shocking file uploaded to the Internets last week, a mom in suburban Southern California has been captured on video feeding her baby hot salsa in a baby bottle in order to pay for her husband’s “picante burger” habit.
In the video, a spicy burger pusher known only as “Jack” — his true identity hidden by a grotesque disguise — rings the family’s doorbell and pretends to be religious missionary so the neighbors don’t suspect. “Do you have three minutes to talk about spicy hamburgers?” he asks burger-junkie Juan Desperado, who opens the door.
“I have some something here I think you’ll like,” the pusher says.
“What I have in this bag will take you to the moon, Alice, or whatever your name is,” he says.
“Nice casa you got here, Juan. Is that the missus and the baby? Is Momma Bear ready to show me how hot she is?”
“Is she this spicy? Are you, Momma Bear? As spicy as this chickenburger? How about little Baby Bear?”
“Si, Senor, just give us the spicy burger! We have the spicy in our blood. Mira el niño!”
“We are so spicy we must have more spicy burgers to stay spicy. Señor Jack, por plis!”