(PNS reporting from ALLENTOWN) If you’re a fan of the baseball minor league IronPigs in Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Valley, urine luck next time you catch a home game at Coca-Cola Park in Allentown.
The urinals in the men’s rooms at the stadium now feature pee-powered video game consoles where writing your name as a high scorer is just a zip away.
WPVI Channel 6 Action News in nearby Philadelphia explains:
The screen above the urinal goes into game mode when the user approaches. The games, including alpine skiing, monitor the user’s aim to test their agility and knowledge.
Users will receive their score upon completion, which officials say is an average of over 55 seconds.
Users with high scores will be happy to know that they will be displayed in real-time across various videoboard displays within Coca-Cola Park.
“We aim to please, so please watch your aim,” said club press representative Danito Yelosno as he showed reporters the new facilities Tuesday. “There’s no ‘P’ in our swimming ool,” he added.
“We don’t pee in your ashtrays, so please keep your ash out of our urinals,” he admonished reporters. “No wide stances, and los empleados deben lavarse las manos antes de regresar al trabajo.”
In the parking lot, IronPigs fans in line for tickets to Thursday’s game (against the Syracuse Chiefs) told PNS they liked the high tech “gamification” of the age-old ritual of draining the vein and were flushed with pride that their beloved but often-maligned Allentown got America’s first pee games.
“We’re Number One! We’re Number One!” they chanted.
“Have joystick — will travel,” said area businessman Mike Asdad. “I’m gonna squeeze the weeze!”
College business major Juan Balagan immediately saw dollar signs:
I bet all the other clubs are pissed they missed out on this. They’re probably wetting their beds right now!
His analytical younger brother Guillermo, however, was skeptical. “It’s a no-win situation. If you play hard, the game gets stiffer. Ain’t nobody got time for that,” he complained.