(PNS reporting from ENCINO) San Fernando Valley homeowner Donald Murietta was depressed most of Saturday afternoon after reading the latest issue of The Pennsylvania Gazette, the alumni magazine of the University of Pennsylvania.
Murietta, a 1998 Penn graduate, first turned to the obituary section when the glossy monthly arrived with the 2PM mail delivery, and that’s when his ball-breaking downer began.
News of the February 12 death (a tragic fish-pickling accident in Rochester, NY) of old girlfriend Leslie Sonnenshein (nee Baldwin), Class of 1999, set off a cascade of emotions that started at the top with their intense makeout session at that SAE party after the Princeton game and ended at the bottom with a very public breakup in the Van Pelt Library right before Christmas, which was totally his fault because he fucked that girl Candi.
“I can haz the sad,” Murietta Tweeted, but quickly deleted the message after realizing his wife, Tonee Peres Murietta, Class of 1999, might ask him what was wrong.
Sonnenshein, who was 33, is survived by her husband Jonathan, an Atlanta attorney, and daughters Kimberly and Anna. Friends can make contributions in her memory to PETAofATLANTA.org.
It took a few more page flips, but the successful mortgage banker and father of two was somewhat heartened to read, in Alumni Notes, that fraternity brother Ron “Twitchy” Mather, Class of 1997, had been appointed a senior vice president of the noted Boston architectural firm Wainscots, Crown, Molding and Parquet. Mather still lives — with his long-time partner Charles Lombard — in the Cambridge home where was born. He encourages old friends to write him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“Give old Twitchy a Ritalin and a bunch of empty Schmidts cans and he could build an beer can tower in somebody else’s dorm room faster than any man alive!” Murietta chuckled to himself.
But he couldn’t Tweet about that either. Damn Tonee.