Here are Pocho Ocho Most Amazing Facts Behind El Chapo’s Escape we’ve unearthed so far:
8. Shoutout to Uber de Mexico for the fast pickup!
7. Strategic rest areas every 200 meters stocked with Red Bull and Takis
6. Extra guys at Home Depot got lucky that day
5. Donald Trump toupee was a bitchin’ disguise
4. Two words: Peña Nieto
3. Meeting boyfriend in El Paso for a gay marriage
2. Prison guards dosed with Quaaludes
And the numero uno most amazing fact behind El Chapo’s daring escape is…
Saturday was Free Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven. Doh!
Lalo Alcaraz, Eres Nerd, Tia Lencha, and Comic Saenz contributed to this report.