These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel:
8. Will beheading be on the final exam?
7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory?
6. Do I need to supply my own botas picudas?
5. Can I specify which banda plays my corrido?
4. Does your insurance cover bigote burns?
3. What truck company sponsors this cartel? Ford, Chevy or Dodge?
2. Are there bonuses for meeting or exceeding our kidnapping goals?
And the numero uno question asked by potential Mexican cartel members is…
Do I have to vote for Peña-Nieto to keep this job?
Comic Saenz contributed to this report, which was inspired by The Atlantic.