POCHO’s Comic Saenz wasn’t 100% sure where the Crimean Peninsula was on a map until last week, when Russia grabbed it, and he had no clue about the Strait of Malacca, where that Malaysian Airlines flight may have disappeared.
He had to look this stuff up on the Internets (photo), and maybe you did too.
That’s when we realized our geographical memory banks — and yours — might need a little shot of phresh knowledge, like this list of the Pocho Ocho Weird Geographical Chingaderas You Probably Never Heard Of:
8. Lake Tiacaca. Nowhere near the Andes, this stinky mess was discovered in your Aunt Anna’s bathroom after that thing with the sewer pipes.
7. The Chicano Triangle. This tortilla-chip-shaped segment of Southern California goes from Oxnard to San Diego to Indio. Many (traditionally) black and (predominantly) white neighborhoods formerly located in this area have disappeared from demographers’ charts.
6. The Straights of Esai. These large ribbed rock formations just north of Malibu bring ALL the boys to the yard.
5. Amazon Prime Basin. The treasures found in this fertile delta are extraordinary, but prices keep going up.
4. The Sea of Chente. You can check in but you’ll never regres a mi.
3. Boca Cabron. Florida Senator Marco Rubio swears on the inspirational properties of a swim in this Everglades swamp.
2. Mount Killamonburro. The grueling climb up this towering peak in Zacatecas has killed many a Mexican donkey. Our advice: You and your burro should nap frequently, under the shade of a cactus if possible.
And the numero uno geographical chingadera you probably never heard of is…
If your homies invite you to this NorCal summit, don’t go!
Comic Saenz, Sara Inés Calderón, Victor Payan, Pocha Peña and Eres Nerd contributed to this report.