Breaking: Sunday’s Cinco de Mayo called ‘most dangerous ever’

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America’s observance of Cinco de Mayo on Sunday was the “most dangerous ever” according to a report released here today by the National Institute of Holidays (NIH.)

A record 1378 emergency room visits by gringos failing the “chile challenge” were reported by the group as well as 287 “chancla accidents.”

Inappropriate use of the Pop Secret Popcorñata (video, above) resulted in 6397 burn admissions (18 classified as serious) and three arrests for suspected terrorism.

Forty-six patients checked into ERs with “serape strangulation” and orthopedists reported treating 587 weak-necked gringos complaining of the kinds of assorted sombrero-wearing aches and pains attributed to giant hats on small-minded people.

On the plus side, 38 borracho gabachos shot each other at NRA rallies, according to the group.

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