POCHAS ON FILM: M-M-M-M-M YYY LLORONA! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

M-M-M-M-M YYY LLORONA!

How to annoy Mexicans, let me count the gueys.

One of the best gueys, other than to insist that we are all criminals who need to be deported — even if we are citizens — is to appropriate a beloved part of our culture and act as if you are entitled to do so. You may ask us why are you upset about this The Curse of La Llorona movie? Aren’t there brown people in it? Shouldn’t you be happy that one of your legends is getting the feature film treatment? Doesn’t the director have what sounds like a Latin name? WHY AREN’T YOU MEXICANS EVER HAPPY? WHY DON’T YOU JUST EAT A TACO? WHY IS EVERYBODY SHOUTING?

Mas…POCHAS ON FILM: M-M-M-M-M YYY LLORONA! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday 2017

It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone X — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Survive Black Friday:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday 2017

Pope visits a (non-Catholic) megachurch in ‘Bordertown’ [video]

First BORDERTOWN Clip! “The Pope Visits the Mexifornia MegaChurch” Bordertown premieres January 3, 930 pm on Fox. We’re all going to hell!

Posted by Lalo Alcaraz on Monday, December 14, 2015

….

If the Facebook ^^^^ video won’t play, try this [it may take a minute to load]:

Mas…Pope visits a (non-Catholic) megachurch in ‘Bordertown’

Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday 2015

It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPad Pro — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday 2015

Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday

It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday

Feds make Sheriff Joe return military gear; he has Plan B

arpaiotank(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back.

“Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” the Maricopa County, Arizona lawman told reporters Wednesday. “We’re getting ethnically-appropriate personnel compliance effectuators from local manufacturers. I am told these things give Mexicans the FEAR!”

Mas…Feds make Sheriff Joe return military gear; he has Plan B

Cheap Chinese chanclas choke Chuy’s Choo Repair

chanclaszapatero(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Chuy’s Choo Repair on Ashland has been fixing heels, stretching boots and giving new soles to tired oxfords since 1956, but owner Eddie Calderon doesn’t know how long he can keep his shop open.

Calderon (photo, right), whose father opened the business when he returned to Chicago after the Korean War, says he can’t keep up with cheap imported shoes flooding the country.

“Look at the pinches chanclas on sale at the Dollar Store!” Calderon told PNS as we toured the neighborhood (photo, top.) “If people can buy new Chinese chanclas for 60 cents at the stupid Dollar Store, why would they want to get them repaired if a strap breaks? It’s not worth it!”

Mas…Cheap Chinese chanclas choke Chuy’s Choo Repair

Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

obamaweedFormer stoner Barack Obama doesn’t think marijuana “is more dangerous than alcohol,” according to The New Yorker:

“As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life. I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol,” the president said.

But if mota is not more dangerous than alcohol, what is? Here are the top eight contenders:

Mas…Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household

popowarriorHere is a listicle partially inspired by a mas longer listicle on BuzzFeed, because they are the listicle professionals, tu sabes.

¡Mira! The Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican household/family:

8. Virgen de Guadalupe veladoras.

7. Your first introduction to dramatic acting was a telenovela.

6. You always wondered why gringos celebrated Cinco de Mayo more than your family.

5. You can recognize the Aztec princess Iztaccihuatl AND the warrior Popocateptl (photo) on sight.

Mas…Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household

A fashion trend from the 1990s — chanclas with socks — is back

socks-and-thongs(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) Some fashion trends from the 1990s have been back in vogue for a while — everything from flannel to baby doll dresses and chokers — but one fashion trend has insiders abuzz this Fall: Chanclas with socks, newly re-branded as Chocks.

Rebuffed by mainstream fashion in the 1990s, the once-criticized trend is finding its home in a world where Miley Cyrus’ trashy fashion thrives.

“Chocks are a spin on a traditional Chicano way of dressing,” said Marisol Mejia, a chola-turned-designer here who is making waves in the fashion world. “What you have to realize is that it’s all in how you wear it, not just what.”

Mas…A fashion trend from the 1990s — chanclas with socks — is back

Roberta Valderrama stars in ‘The Callback’ (NSFW video)


PREGUNTA: Why would POCHO run a 15-minute (!) video on a Wednesday without any jokes about chanclas or twerking or nalgas?

RESPUESTA: When it stars POCHO amiga Roberta Valderrama. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll jump and shout when you check out The Callback. Roberta plays an actor who maybe is a little too intent on getting that big Hollywood break with a small part in a TV cop show. (NSFW adult language and situations, but no nudity or nalgas.)

PREVIOUSLY ON ROBERTA VALDERRAMA:

Mas…Roberta Valderrama stars in ‘The Callback’ (NSFW video)

Breaking: TX boy, 9, slays Mexican boogeyman El Cucuy, 521

elcucuy(PNS reporting from SEGUIN, TX) A nine-year-old boy killed El Cucuy Tuesday night.

El Cucuy, AKA the Mexican Boogeyman, was pronounced dead at 10:30 PM at the Balli family residence here.  The legendary monster was said to be 521, with a birth date pegged in 1492.

It was a more or less typical evening for the Balli family, according to a Guadalupe County Sheriff’s detective familiar with the case. There was no hint of the trouble to come, he said, “when boy’s parents threatened the perpetrator with El Cucuy if he didn’t brush his teeth before he went to bed.”

The youth, who turned nine July 13, refused, the officer said, so his parents summoned El Cucuy to the modest ranch-style home.

El Cucuy (file photo, above) manifested in the kid’s room around 9:40 PM, according to the investigator, and was killed during a brief firefight by “some type of particle-beam weapon” created by the boy.

The room was “a mess with comic books and plasma everywhere,” he said, and El Cucuy’s remains “looked and smelled like burnt frijoles.”

Mas…Breaking: TX boy, 9, slays Mexican boogeyman El Cucuy, 521

Breaking: Sunday’s Cinco de Mayo called ‘most dangerous ever’


(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America’s observance of Cinco de Mayo on Sunday was the “most dangerous ever” according to a report released here today by the National Institute of Holidays (NIH.)

A record 1378 emergency room visits by gringos failing the “chile challenge” were reported by the group as well as 287 “chancla accidents.”

Mas…Breaking: Sunday’s Cinco de Mayo called ‘most dangerous ever’

Pocho Ocho tips for a successful if not safe and sane Black Friday

It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPad. So as a public service we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to make your Black Friday quest successful, if not totally safe and sane:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.

Mas…Pocho Ocho tips for a successful if not safe and sane Black Friday