Gustavo Arellano to UC Riverside grads: ‘You are secular saints’
Saturday morning, I had the honor of giving the commencement speech at UC Riverside’s College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences for their Sociology, Philosophy, Neuroscience, and Psychology students (what a mouthful!).
Following are my prepared remarks, which I mostly hewed to. I did begin my speech with an explanation of what ustedes and y’all meant, and the pocos pero locos line was improvised and laughed at by about three people.
Let’s start with an experiment, shall we?
I want all the psychology majors to stand up? Applaud them, por favor, for getting to this special day.
Mas…Gustavo Arellano to UC Riverside grads: ‘You are secular saints’
Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union
Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.
We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:
8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans
7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”
6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba
Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union
Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union
White House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences.
Here are the top eight:
8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time
7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy new Uncle Sugar costume
6. Mass wedding performed according to Sharia Law
Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union
The Gettysburg Address by the Presidents of the United States (videos)
Director Ken Burns got all the living Presidents — and some celebrity friends — to recite Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, the speech first delivered at a Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania 150 years ago today.
But when Civil War-reinacting Confederate soldier wannabes run into reality, rebellion doesn’t seem like so much fun any more:
Mas…The Gettysburg Address by the Presidents of the United States (videos)
Did you miss the Inauguration? We’ve got the video!
From Pres. Barack Obama’s Second Inaugural Address: “Your baby cousin likes me because I’m more normal and have a smooshy finger? No!”
Pocho Ocho zingers dropped from Obama’s Inaugural Address
That was quite a speech, eh? President Bronco Bama rocked the Inaugural Address. Of course, what he didn’t say is as important as what he did.
Here are the pocho ocho zingers dropped from the final espeech:
8. I want to reach across the aisle to our Republican friends and propose the No Mullet Left Behind Act of 2013
7. This is the year we must win the War on Uggs
6. You and I as citizens agree: Everything is better with bacon
Mas…Pocho Ocho zingers dropped from Obama’s Inaugural Address
Pocho Ocho tips for grads: How to make it in the ‘real world’
Are you a newly-graduated pocho preparing to take your first baby steps out into the so-called “real world?” We’ve got tips for you!
8. Unsure about your next move? Do you need a movement or idea to get behind? Start an Occupy College movement on your campus! You may have graduated, but this will ensure you never have to leave (or shower.)
7. Remember how much you drank your first week of school? Drink twice that amount! As silly as sobriety may seem at the moment, it has absolutely no purpose in the real world, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Note that outside of college this is generally referred to as “alcoholism.”
6. To save money, move in with some people who actually had a chance at the American Dream — your parents. You’ll be so busy driving your abuelita around town, you won’t notice the economy sucks.
Mas…Pocho Ocho tips for grads: How to make it in the ‘real world’
Gustavo Arellano: This one goes out to all the community college grads
Author, editor and POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano delivered this commencement speech yesterday to the graduates of Long Beach Community College:
Gracias for having me here, Vikings. I come from that evil land over yonder on the other side of the 405 — Orange County. Por favor don’t hold it against me, as I come to ustedes in peace and with a message about our shared background as products of California’s magnificent community college system.
I graduated in 1999 from Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa, just down the 405. My experience there was similar in many respects to yours. I had a full course load, took intersession, took as many summer school courses as possible, and did all of this while working full time, no financial aid, and helping to support my family. The classes were crowded, the parking horrific, the professors ranging from Einsteins to idiots.
Mas…Gustavo Arellano: This one goes out to all the community college grads