Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union

obamabackWhite House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences.

Here are the top eight:

8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time

7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy new Uncle Sugar costume

6. Mass wedding performed according to Sharia Law

5. Obamacare update will be delivered as a duet with Macklemore

4. Joe Biden, in a pink harness, will fly in from the wings to open the session

3. Everyone sitting with Michelle Obama in the balcony will be wearing a gigantic Arby’s hat

2. Very special guest star Bill Clinton on saxophone

And the numero uno “surprise” to expect in the State of the Union address tonight is…

ICE will interrupt speech to arrest Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada)