Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba

5. Weve secretly replaced the Yankee bean soup usually served in the Senate cafeteria with frijoles de olla oaxaqueños. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

4. Sitting in the gallery with Michelle Obama: A group of successful community college graduates headed by Grumpy Cat

3. An undetermined, unpredictable, yet totally inevitable Florida Class Weird incident we can’t even

2. Awesome German Chancellor Angela Merkel drum solo via Skype

And the numero uno “surprise” to expect in the State of the Union address tonight is…

Two Supreme Court Justices shock the nation with a same-sex kiss.