PREVIOUSLY ON THE KELLYANNE CONWAY SHOW:
Our historic President knows more about Black History Month than the last President, who was not so historic.
And instead of teaching us in American, the President is going to speak English to you, you know, to class up the history of this carnage-loving people, his African-Americans.
Our speech researchers here at the National Pochismo Institute took Wednesday’s speech transcript and ran it through a text-to-speech thang with a British-accented robo-bloke. And it sounds classy! You’ve never heard classy as bigly as this — all the words — the best words — plus a Ben Carson shoutout — and some bragging, lots of lies, and ignorance in abundance. Not to mention dissing CNN and non sequitors, slang, and muddled thinking. You’re welcome, mate.
Mira el transcript, with notes from POCHO’s Comic Saenz, and audio below:
What can we learn from the Senator Ted Cruz (R-Canadia) victory Monday in the Iowa GOP caucuses? It’s time to support CANADIANS FOR PRESIDENT! [NSFW video, one F-bomb.]
And what else? How about the Pocho Ocho Top Lessons We Learned from the Iowa GOP Caucuses:
8. He who smelt it, dealt it.
7. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry caucus.
6. I know you are, but what am I?
All: Bub-bub-bubble, GOP-GOP-goppies!
Boys: Bubble, bubble, bubble!
Girls: Goppy, Goppy, goppies!
Bacon is makin’ news because a questionably-reported study says the hot and salty candy can cause cancer – or not. They say we had to ditch the bacon, but we said, “No! No! No!”
That’s because there are Pocho Ocho Top Things You Can Eat That Are Way Worse Than Bacon:
8. Bush™ special frijoles — THE BROWN ONES™ — now with 25% more nepotism! [Editor’s Note: Our sources tell us this product may not be on the market much longer. Choose wisely.]
7. Uncle Ben Carson’s Tacos de Seso
6. Ferguson’s Gelato – You’ll be screaming, “Hands up! Don’t scoop!”