Bacon is makin’ news because a questionably-reported study says the hot and salty candy can cause cancer – or not. They say we had to ditch the bacon, but we said, “No! No! No!”
That’s because there are Pocho Ocho Top Things You Can Eat That Are Way Worse Than Bacon:
8. Bush™ special frijoles — THE BROWN ONES™ — now with 25% more nepotism! [Editor’s Note: Our sources tell us this product may not be on the market much longer. Choose wisely.]
7. Uncle Ben Carson’s Tacos de Seso
6. Ferguson’s Gelato – You’ll be screaming, “Hands up! Don’t scoop!”
5. Pan de Marco Rubio – Pan de Muerto for folks on a diet: Sprinkled with hypocrisy, not sugar
4. Sopa de Tripas de Trump
3. Ted Cruz Brand Enchiladas, hecho in Canadia with Cuban ingredients
2. The new Huaraches Bowl from Chipotle Mexican Grill, now with more sofritas sole food!
And the numero uno thing you can eat that is way worse for you than bacon is…
The Benghazi Burger by Rick Bayless – stolen flavors and shredded email topping
Especial Correspondents Estefania Zavala, Sara Inés Calderón, El Eeres Nerd, Tino Gallegos y Comic Saenz contributed to this report.
Bacon images via GifMania. Uncle Ben by Kevin Karstens.