Viva Manteca! Lard: It’s what’s for dinner (and trendy oils cause cancer)

Hey, Millennials, you need more lard in your diet. And beef tallow. What? Animal fats are good for you and trendy oils can cause cancer!

That’s the pitch from Coast Packing Company which we found by following Ernest Miller’s Tweet up there ^^^ with the tacos.

Here’s a screencap featuring manteca and tacos from their website (click on the image to embiggen):

Mas…Viva Manteca! Lard: It’s what’s for dinner (and trendy oils cause cancer)

UCLA Study: American Latinos live longer than Anglos because blood

stilllifewithskullLatinos age slower — and live longer — than other ethnic groups in America, according to a new study from the University of California, Los Angeles. Why? Their blood ages more slowly.

The Daily Mail reports:

Scientists refer to the phenomenon as the ‘Hispanic paradox’, since Latinos typically have higher rates of diabetes and other life-threatening diseases.

But according to researchers at UCLA, the ethnic group is unequivocally healthier, lives longer than others, and has cells that take much longer to age.

Experts claim the findings, published in the current issue of Genome Biology, could help unlock how to delay slowing for all ethnic groups.

Mas…UCLA Study: American Latinos live longer than Anglos because blood

To live and die in CA: Your ZIP Code determines life expectancy (video)


Deb and Maria are the same age, each has two kids, and they live just a few miles apart. Deb, however, will live, on average, 15 years longer than Maria. This public service video from The California Endowment — narrated by George Takei — explains the discrepancy:

What determines how long we live? The surprising thing to us was that adjacent communities can have a 15 year-difference in life expectancy.

Mas…To live and die in CA: Your ZIP Code determines life expectancy (video)

Pocho Ocho things to eat that are way worse for you than bacon

fryingbaconanimatedBacon is makin’ news because a questionably-reported study says the hot and salty candy can cause cancer – or not. They say we had to ditch the bacon, but we said, “No! No! No!”

That’s because there are Pocho Ocho Top Things You Can Eat That Are Way Worse Than Bacon:

8. Bush™  special frijoles — THE BROWN ONES™ — now with 25% more nepotism! [Editor’s Note: Our sources tell us this product may not be on the market much longer. Choose wisely.]

7. Uncle Ben Carson’s Tacos de Seso

6. Ferguson’s Gelato – You’ll be screaming, “Hands up! Don’t scoop!”

Mas…Pocho Ocho things to eat that are way worse for you than bacon

BBC: One easy old trick helps you live longer – eat more chiles!

codexWant to live longer? It’s easy, according to the BBC. Eat more chiles! Specifically, the BBC recommends “chillies,” and we’ll do them a favour and labour under their rules whilst minding the gap:

For thousands of years, humans have taken a masochistic pleasure from adding chilli to their food. Now research indicates that the spice that has undoubtedly made our lives more interesting may also make them longer.

There is only one mammal that enthusiastically eats chillies.

Mas…BBC: One easy old trick helps you live longer – eat more chiles!

New medical study: Eating spicy foods helps you live longer

mexicanchilesHere’s some fantastically hot news: The more chiles you eat, the longer you’ll live!

The New York Times explains:

Eating spicy food is associated with a reduced risk for death, an analysis of dietary data on more than 485,000 people found.

Study participants were enrolled between 2004 and 2008 in a large Chinese health study, and researchers followed them for an average of more than seven years, recording 20,224 deaths. The study is in BMJ.

After controlling for family medical history, age, education, diabetes, smoking and many other variables, the researchers found that compared with eating hot food, mainly chili peppers, less than once a week, having it once or twice a week resulted in a 10 percent reduced overall risk for death. Consuming spicy food six to seven times a week reduced the risk by 14 percent.

Mas…New medical study: Eating spicy foods helps you live longer

Hypochondriac uncle discovers amazing Internet cure — cactus juice

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDITA) Arturo Marengo has discovered the secret to youth, longevity, perfect health and fitness, again.

After spending last Wednesday on WebonMD trying to diagnose the dull ache in his left index finger, Marengo stumbled across an ad for Nopalea Cactus Juice and Health Supplement.

Though in his mid 30s, Marengo, a performance artist/travel agent/dog walker, suffers from multiple health issues including a sharp pain in his knee, a strange tingle behind his right ear, a constant cramp in left big toe, and a burning feeling in his left eye (Marengo suspects the eye burning is related to his toe cramp).

Mas…Hypochondriac uncle discovers amazing Internet cure — cactus juice

Cuba releases photos to show Comrade Fidel is not dead yet

Fidel Castro is still alive, you imperialist running dogs, and we’ve got photos to prove it. That was the message from Cuba’s official Communist Party newspaper Granma this week as rumors swirled that the ailing dictator had suffered a stroke and was incapacitated. Granma published this photo of Fidel on his prison island reading his own Mainstream Media.

But wait, there’s more! Here’s a selection of photos published by Cuban entertainment weekly Che Paso:

Mas…Cuba releases photos to show Comrade Fidel is not dead yet

Dear Abuelita: Prisoner’s dilemma, flashback to the Summer of Love

Dear Abuelita,
OK so I went to this internet dating site and filled out this long questionnaire about my inner feelings and wants and desires and what are my values and what is important to me and all that and still I get no replies from the chicas I email. I will be out in eight months and then under home detention so these girls know I can’t run around on them. What am I doing wrong?
Signed, 098765433456789

Dear 098765433456789,
Obviously you haven’t heard of FirmeHynas.com because that site is filled with locas who love jailbirds. You’ve got better odds finding a mate on this dating site than you have coming out of the pinta with you sphincter intact.

Those homegirls are desperate for love and will beat down their own daughter or mother for a man. You want true love – they’ll give you their undivided devotion con dedications on the radio even.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Prisoner’s dilemma, flashback to the Summer of Love

Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists

State tourist official does the New Mexican hat dance when a reporter asks about the casting call advertisement

This POCHO ñewsweek is brought to you in living — and dying — color.

In the Southwest, New Mexico’s tourist board is casting a commercial to promote visits to the state. Who do they want to play the tourists in their commercial? “Caucasians and light-skinned Hispanics.”

And in the Southeast, Florida cowers in the Spotlight o’ Shame as the country asks why an unarmed teenager was killed by a self-styled neighborhood watch vigilante.

These are the stories that made the ñews this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists