It’s not a good sign when you have to ask the crowd to “Please clap,” like former Governor Jeb Bush (R-Florida) at a New Hampshire campaign rally Tuesday.
JEB! may not yet be prepared to admit he’s already lost, but we are, Fat Lady or not. Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to Tell It’s All Over for Jeb Bush:
8. Briefly lost consciousness after choking on a pretzel
7. Hired New Orleans/Katrina FEMA guy “Brownie” as replacement campaign manager
6. Spotted holding hands with Saudi royalty
What can we learn from the Senator Ted Cruz (R-Canadia) victory Monday in the Iowa GOP caucuses? It’s time to support CANADIANS FOR PRESIDENT! [NSFW video, one F-bomb.]
And what else? How about the Pocho Ocho Top Lessons We Learned from the Iowa GOP Caucuses:
8. He who smelt it, dealt it.
7. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry caucus.
6. I know you are, but what am I?
All: Bub-bub-bubble, GOP-GOP-goppies!
Boys: Bubble, bubble, bubble!
Girls: Goppy, Goppy, goppies!
Bacon is makin’ news because a questionably-reported study says the hot and salty candy can cause cancer – or not. They say we had to ditch the bacon, but we said, “No! No! No!”
That’s because there are Pocho Ocho Top Things You Can Eat That Are Way Worse Than Bacon:
8. Bush™ special frijoles — THE BROWN ONES™ — now with 25% more nepotism! [Editor’s Note: Our sources tell us this product may not be on the market much longer. Choose wisely.]
7. Uncle Ben Carson’s Tacos de Seso
6. Ferguson’s Gelato – You’ll be screaming, “Hands up! Don’t scoop!”
Many politically conscious Chicanos are looking for yet another alternative way to Celebrate Cinco de Drinko but still protest the ahistorical consumer appropriation of a battle that is meaningless to most Mexicans.
Well, Jeb Bush (aka el Yeb according to his Mexican compadres) has provided us with a warm video message of solidarity this Fifth of May to honor the “honorable” way that the Mexicans fought against foreign invaders in the Battle of Puebla. Did I mention that the message is all in Spanish?