breakfast

This is why they hate us: The Hamilton-Beach breakfast burrito maker

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hbscreencapMaking a breakfast burrito is hard work, especially in the morning when it’s time to eat breakfast. There’s the delicate cracking of the eggs thang, the slicing of the cheese procedure, the tricky cooking and not burning, and finally the delicate assembly work. All in the morning! Maybe even before the cafecito kicks in! Aye dios mio! What’s a hungry pocho to do?

Chillax, homie, We’ve got your modern gadget right here: The new Breakfast Burrito Maker from Hamilton-Beach, your favorite manufacturer of stupid single-use appliances.

Mas…This is why they hate us: The Hamilton-Beach breakfast burrito maker

Hispanic moms: Serve Jimmy Dean® for a dubious breakfast! (video)

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¡Hola, Hispanic moms! Serving your Hispanic family a dubiously-healthy breakfast is just a button-push away with Jimmy Dean® Brand croissant, egg, sausage and cheese breakfast sandwiches. Not only are they graded F for nutrition but you can heat them in the microwave to pretend you care! Each delicious serving packs a generous 60% of the daily recommended fat allowance and that means 45% of the cholesterol quota AND 60% of the saturated fat limit.

Wait, there’s more! Each sammich features a full half ounce of protein and over a third of your daily allowance for salt. Jimmy mexplains:

CHICAGO–(EON: Enhanced Online News)–The Jimmy Dean brand (www.jimmydean.com), America’s favorite traditional breakfast sausage brand* will release a new Spanish-language TV commercial this month to promote its popular line of breakfast sandwiches to Hispanic consumers.

Mas…Hispanic moms: Serve Jimmy Dean® for a dubious breakfast! (video)

Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

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God bless America, and the moo-shu pork burrito

This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!

Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really?  Burrito?  What is going on?  I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.

Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.

People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.

This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.

Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?