Pocho Ocho Top Ways We’re Fighting the Corona Virus

woman in surgical mask

TO: ALL POCHO ESTAFF MEMBERS
FROM: JOSÉ CANUSÍ, JEFE-DE-HR
DATE: MARCH 11, 2020
RE: CORONA VIRUS PRECAUTIONS

Your lives are somewhat important to us. That's why we've instituted eight new prophylactic measures to reduce estaff exposure to some possibly dangerous germs and shit.

Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways We're Fighting the Corona Virus:

8. The 11AM editorial meeting, usually held at BarrioBucks, has been moved to the Wuhan Wok restaurant next door because they value our business, whereas BB won't let us forget that chanclazo in December.

7. Please see me for your choice of luchador masks and/or dog cones to help you not touch your face.

6. Hand sanitizing stations have been installed around the office that dispense Vicks® VapoRub™.

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Ways We’re Fighting the Corona Virus

Pocho Ocho Top Old-School Abuelita-Style Remedios (cures)

Abuela knows best, amirite?

She recommends these old-fashioned remedios for whatever ails you:

8. Chile

Does it matter that you don’t eat chile? Or that this special hot sauce will burn a hole in your ulcer? No, eat it, you’ll see how much better you feel.

7. Nopal or linaza (cactus or flax seed)

If there’s something wrong with you, let’s flush it out. Sure, you will be spending the next week in the bathroom, but by the time you come out, whatever was ailing you will be long gone.

6. Rubbing an egg all over you while saying a prayer. (Una limpia con huevo)

Did your abuelita learn this ritual in church? Hell no, but for whatever reason, when she’s rubbing a cold egg all over you saying a Catholic prayer, it somehow makes you feel better. By the time that egg sucks up whatever evil eye someone gave you, the idea that this ritual is strange and old world will have slipped your mind.

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Old-School Abuelita-Style Remedios (cures)