Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don’t!
Machete don’t text, but he did stop by — on a recent Wednesday cruise night, on Van Nuys Boulevard in L.A.’s San Fernando Valley to check in with ManCave TV. [Totally NSFW hardcore soundtrack.]
Jon Stewart and The Daily Show are in Austin, Texas, which is right next to, well, you know … that other country. POCHO’s Migrant Editor Al Madrigal went to the Lone Star State to find out why exactly Texans think Latinos are worse than Koreans and Chinese. Have we mentioned that Al is EL HOMBRE?
As POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano noted Friday, Chipotle Mexican Grill pulled a boner when it decided to put short stories from ten famous authors on its cups and bags but couldn’t find one Latino with words worthy enough to wrap its burritos.
There’s now a Facebook book group organizing around this issue and the Pochodores have been brainstorming inspirational packaging ideas as well.
First off all, short stories? Srsly? TL;DR, amiright?
Here are the Pocho Ocho more upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used:
8. There’s a reason you separate the military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people. (Commander William Adama.)
7. Repression….Recession. It’s all the same thing, man. (Cheech Marin.)
6. In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face some day. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo. (Lucky Day.)
We don’t know what to make of this video from Danny Trejo, where the machete-wielding movie tough guy reveals an improbable hobby: making Breadanimals. It’s a promo, somehow, for his new flick, Bullet, but it seems less funny than awkward and forced.
He doesn’t look like a happy camper to us. What do you think?
PREVIOUSLY ON DANNY TREJO, WE’RE HAPPY TO REMIND YOU ABOUT ONE OF THE GREATEST ONLINE PROMO VIDEOS EVER MADE THAT TAKES A LONG TIME FOR THE *FLASH* FILE TO LOAD BUT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT SO HANG IN THERE:
(PNS reporting from the EAST LOS ANGELES) Pocholandia security officials issued a terrorist alert this morning prompted by the mysterious disappearance of Malaysia Airlines MH370 over the Gulf of Thailand or the Strait of Malacca or wherever that shit happened, yo.
“I am alerting you terrorist pendejos. Stay the hell out of East Los!“ said spokesman Gustavo “Little Lalo” Madrigal of the Minivan Crips, a volunteer neighborhood watch group.
“The AMERICAN ME ORANGE ALERT is the second highest alert classification used by the Pocholandia Security Advisory System, bitches, so watchale!” he added.
PREVIOUSLY ON TERRORIST THEATRE:
They were ordinary people living ordinary lives, until one singular sensation of circumstance conspired with fate to make them UNSUNG HEROES OF HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.
When a liberal Supreme Court justice retired in 1998, Pres. Jed H. W. Bartlet and his staff thought this was the perfect opportunity to increase approval ratings with a politically “safe” nominee, Judge Peyton Harrison.
The retiring justice was not impressed by Bartlet’s choice and urged him to consider another candidate. Bartlet asked his aide Toby Ziegler to review their decision. Ziegler, after walking and talking with other habitues of the West Wing, was uncomfortable with the prospect of losing the easy confirmation, but complied.
Zeigler learned that Harrison once argued against a Constitutional right to privacy, and told Bartlet a backup candidate should be vetted as a possible replacement nominee.
U.S. President Charlie Sheen is in big pinche trouble with Mexican terrorist Mel Gibson, and there’s only one vato who can help. Danny Trejo returns in Robert Rodriguez’s Machete Kills.
Despicable Me 2 made $59.5 million in its first two days of release. Do any of you seriously believe that Universal gives a flying fuck if Latinos are upset over the negative stereotyping of a Latino character ?
As my good friend Bob Eisele likes to say, “Here’s the situation…” THEY DON’T CARE. Please allow me to repeat that… THEY DON’T CARE.
We Latinos can yell, scream, jump up and down, stand on our heads, do somersaults and they still won’t care. The movie is on track to make hundreds of millions of dollars for Universal.
Year before last, Ron Meyer, the head of Universal Studios, spoke at a NALIP luncheon and told us to our faces that Universal doesn’t make Latino-themed or Latino-starred movies because Latinos don’t go to see them. And you know what? He’s right. Latinos are almost 40% of the all important opening day box office. Unfortunately, Latinos go to see Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Transformers, Star Trek, Star Wars, Iron Man, Batman, Spiderman, anything but Latino-themed movies. What’s the solution?