My mother, Carmen, often sent me to La Paloma Market, while my brother Salomon watched I Love Lucy re-runs. We lived in East Los Angeles’ Ramona Gardens housing project, where I had to be selective about the routes I took.
Since I feared the barking dogs along the alley, I always took a shortcut through the hill that was controlled by a local gang, the Hill Boys. The homeboys never bothered me on my daily trip for groceries, especially since we attended Murchison Elementary School at the same time.
Thanks to Professor Eliza Rodriguez Y Gibson who pointed my now-scalded eyes, my scarred Mexican-American soul, to this fantabulous atrocity!
Haute couture non-mexican “cholos”!!!! Holy Baudrillard meets Eddie J. Olmos’s Pachuco — who would be rolling over in his grave if he weren’t still thriving in Hollywood!
Good-hearted couple Lucy and Steve brought home a “rescue cholo” named Creeper, but he didn’t work out the way they planned. That’s why they called Ignacio de la Cruz, The Cholo Whisperer. [Bay Area POCHO amigo Frankie Quiñones stars as the cholo.]
PREVIOUSLY ON THE CHOLO WHISPERER:
It’s Tuesday, and The Madcaps, from Rennes in western France, want tacos from the Taco Truck. In this just-released music video, that means cactus, chiles, Dios de los Muertos, sombreros, mariachis, French approximations of cholos in Pendletons, associated hynas, tequila shots, and luchadores. Plus some ugly-looking tacos.
In New Jack City, proactive pranksters have set Hipster Traps to snare unwary hipsters. The NYC traps are baited with Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, American Spirit cigarettes, a bike chain and neon-pink Wayfarer sunglasses.
When trapping chipsters (Chicano hipsters), our experts recommend these Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Bait Your Chipster Trap:
8. Suavecito® Pomade and Beard Wax
7. Venti horchata latte, half skim, half leche de cabra, with agave sweetener
6. $60 huaraches from Urban Outfitters
What do a Buddhist meditation teacher and a Thai policeman have in common? They both think they are “Mexican gangsters” because tats, Pendletons, leaning like a cholo and saying “Fuck the popo!” [NSFW lyrics and explicit subtitles in English.]
Ditto two Armenian gang-bangers who were deported from Southern California back to the Old World; these vatos locos are fighting for Bashar al-Assad in Syria:
Lil MoCo loves the hyna hood rats (AKA jainas) so much, he made them a music video! [Totally NSFW language.]
PREVIOUSLY ON LIL MOCO:
- Yakuza lowriders? Check.
- Spanish Crip-walking cholo wannabes? Check.
- Good ole boy Southern Comfort luchador-looking surf rockers? Check.
Face it, brown is the new black. Today’s example? Japanese cholas!
We don’t really know what to say about this, so we’ll let VICE tell the story in this report from Monterrey, MX:
Every Sunday afternoon, after dancing all weekend at bars and clubs around town, a bunch of Mexican Colombianos gather outside the 7-Eleven at the bottom of the Latino Tower in downtown Monterrey. Taking their cues from LA’s cholos and some mythical ideal of tropical Colombia, they wear huge plaid and Hawaiian shirts over the baggiest Dickies you’ve ever seen. These are color-coordinated with their Converse and shoelaces whenever possible (one kid we met rotates four pairs of Chucks with seven different colors of laces) and then topped with a customized baseball cap worn just tight enough that it doesn’t cover their whole head but gingerly rests on their bangs. Every visible inch of hat space is cluttered with airbrushed or embroidered writing, including its wearer’s nickname, his girlfriend’s name, his clique’s name, the radio station he listens to, the neighborhood he’s from, etc.