A Russian voiceover lauds the tacos at Las Palmas in Pittsburgh, PA, which seems to be pretty legit, at least on Yelp. Why is the narration in Russian? Get used to it, covfefe!
You won’t believe your eyes!
Hey! I took Russki in college. Труп чупакабры в Венесуэле means “corpse of a chupacabra [found] in Venezuela.”
First came the toilet paper shortage which Maduro blamed on imperialist sabotage, although he later tried to paint it as an example of his economic successes, claiming Venezuelan shit production had reached record levels, thereby outstripping the papel hygenico supply.
Hey, Mr. Homie Rice Boy Liu: Do I really esound like that? (NSFW language.)
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) The imminent crash – later this week – of a Russian space probe scares local spiritual gurus and national experts alike. All of them fear that the death dive of the Russki rocket is a Cosmic Warning of the Mayan Doomsday, scheduled for Dec. 21. Their big brains, however, are split on ways to prevent the Beginning of the End.
“Oh it’s easy,” one local specialist told PNS. “Just burn the candles.” Futurologist Pat Robertson’s advice is just one word: “Run!”
Russians espace commissars have predicted that fragments from the failed Phobos-Ground probe are expected to fall to Earth around Jan. 15.
What can an ordinary person do?
“Candles, definitely lots of candles,” said S.W. 46th St. curandero Alejandro “La Luz de Jesus” Sosa.