Pocho Ocho top ways to tell if your new neighbors are terrorists

pinholeThose new neighbors, you know, those people down the hall or across the street — where do they come from? What’s that crazy moon language? What are they up to? If you see something, say something.

Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to Tell If Your New Neighbors Are Terrorists:

8. Since sunset on Sunday, they’ve been burning more and more candles every night and singing in a Middle Eastern language.

7. They instruct their children — even pre-K kids — in violent martial arts, regularly staging practice backyard executions where children swinging war sticks decapitate colorful paper effigies strung up for torture.

6. Suspiciously clean-cut young men in shirts and ties living in the house regularly head out on bikes for neighborhood surveillance, knock on doors to see who is home, and take copious notes after every encounter.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top ways to tell if your new neighbors are terrorists

Pocho Ocho probable ways the CIA gave Hugo Chavez cancer

Venezuelan Vice President Nicolas Maduro (he may be the new president by the time you read this) has accused the United Estates of poisoning dead Hugo Chavez with special commie-killing cancer.

We talked to our sources in the intelligence community to compile the pocho ocho most likely ways the U.S. could have given Commissar Chavez the deadly disease:

8. Horsemeat — it’s what’s for dinner

7. Pinche high-fructose corn syrup

6. GMO salmon

Mas…Pocho Ocho probable ways the CIA gave Hugo Chavez cancer

PNS*Hot*Flash: Chinese hackers infected laptop, local man says

(PNS reporting from TRENTON) “Chinese hackers infected my laptop and filled it with pornography,” an area beer sales executive told company help desk personnel yesterday. “I had no idea they could do that!”

Mark Mendoza, chief marketing officer for Buckman Brothers Beverages, said his company-issued Lenovo ThinkPad T530, a 15.6” powerhouse equipped with high productivity features and leading wireless options that keep him powered and unplugged around the clock, started acting strangely after a trip to CraftBrewCon2013 in Tallahassee last week.

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Chinese hackers infected laptop, local man says