(PNS reporting from LONDON) Queen Elizabeth II of England — depite being briefly hospitalized with a stomach infection — has endorsed the stampede of European carnivores who say horsemeat in your beefburger is no big deal.
Joining the German cabinet minister who advocated giving horsemeat-tainted products to poor people and the Huffington Post’s LatinoVoices, which published a Cuban horsemeat recipe, the 86-year-old Queen put her stamp of approval on the new “austerity” regime:
“Let them eat horse!” she proclaimed Sunday before being admitted to King Edward VII hospital in central London.
As the mis-labeling scandal spread, PNS has learned next-in-line-to-the-throne Prince Charles ate horse on his wedding night.
As a result, Ye Royal Foode Inspectors Office will announce later today that it is perfectly acceptable to consume “beef” products “containing up to 30% equine DNA and 5% Camilla Parker Bowles.”
Horse-loving demonstrators rallied in London’s Hyde Park Sunday to protest the Queen’s royal imperative. “Just say neigh,” they chanted. “Pintos are people, too!”
In Berlin, a Gallop poll claimed 53% of Germans agreed with the statement “Horsemeat gives me the trots.”
Parisian cafe habitues, however, were all sangfroid. While “biftek frites” remains popular on French menus, many are opting for a lower-priced ground-meat cutlet know locally as “the cheval you rode in on.”
Further north, mega-retailer Ikea has introduced Swedish Horseballs to their in-store cafes, served, of course, with dingleberries. A substantial portion at a nice price, we might add.