Villaraigosa’s proposal to new L.A. mayor Garcetti: ‘Be my wingman’

(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES)  Outgoing Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villariagosa has a proposal for incoming mayor Eric Garcetti: Be my wingman.

Villariagosa has been contemplating life after being LA’s mayor — and it’s not looking good. Reviewing his taste for power and dating attractive women who would be out of his shorty league if he weren’t powerful, Villariagosa told PNS he’s worried.

Mas…Villaraigosa’s proposal to new L.A. mayor Garcetti: ‘Be my wingman’

Porn video editor fired for browsing spreadsheets at work

(PNS reporting from VAN NUYS) Adult movie editor Roberto Mendoza was fired from his job at Burning Sensations Movie Productions last week after being repeatedly caught browsing spreadsheets on his computer.

“It started innocently enough,” he told PNS. “There I was editing a facial pop shot compilation from our Fish Tacos series, when I noticed someone had left a spreadsheet of sales figures in with the video files.”

“I’d always been a little…curious. I took a break from Final Cut Pro and opened up the file, and suddenly my screen was filled with all these rigid columns of data.”

A spokesman from Burning Sensations said that following his dismissal, an inspection of Mendoza’s computer had revealed a hidden folder containing over 3,000 spreadsheets.

Mas…Porn video editor fired for browsing spreadsheets at work

Loser Mitt Romney has the sad: He’s unemployed and part of 47%

(PNS reporting from BOSTON) Mitt Romney woke up a broken man Wednesday morning and experienced something unimaginable: He had become part of the 47%.

“I never thought this would happen to me; my whole life has been turned upside-down,” he told PNS.

A moping Romney emerged from his down-quilted bed and silk sheets at about 7AM and wandered down to breakfast where his staff had  prepared  farm-raised, hand-fed chicken eggs with organic arugula imported from South America and water imported from France. And then he made the call he had been dreading — a call to his chauffeur, Carlos Peres.

Dejected Romney then began one of the hardest car rides in the back of a custom-made limousine of his life: to the nearest office of Massachusetts’ Department of Unemployment Assistance.

Mas…Loser Mitt Romney has the sad: He’s unemployed and part of 47%