Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

jarosalsaHola. Is Tia Lencha here.

Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa!

Is nice! Is a good gift for the peoples! And is easy! No like making mole for Turkey Day.

I make this salsa to give to my comadres and the lob it. They have little hearts in their eyes when they see my salsa. They eat with almost eberything. They say they fight their childrens and viejos to eat the last drops of it in the jar. Is that good. Oso, it don’t matter if the peoples are no Mexican. The peoples at my job are no Mexican and they ask me for the salsa.

First to make the salsa for presents you have to go shopping for ingrediens and for the jars. You can find nice jars at the 99 Cent Estore. Don’t be codo (thas elbow for you pochos) and put the salsa in a Cheez Whiz jar. Or eben worse, in a Pace Picante jar. I would be offend. Also at the store, ju can find nice listónes (thas ribbons for you pochos) to tie around the lid of the jars. If jur salsa is a present, then ju got to make it look like one.

Then ju go to the grocery estore. Ju buy tomates (tomatoes for you pochos) – they can be the plum tomates, or the fancier kind. It don’t matter. Ju buy 7-8 tomates, but make sure they are no hard. If they a little esquishy, is good. Oso, ju buy onion, fresh jalapeños or chiles serranos (depend on how espicy ju like it), garlic and two different kinds of dry chiles.

Here is where peoples get confuse. But Tia Lencha! I no know what kind to get! Chile Mulatto, California, Chipotle, Pasilla, it don’t matter. Chut up and pick two kinds.

Then ju go home and ju espray a baking tray or whatever ju call it with cooking espray. Turn on the oven to 350 grados (thas degrees for you pochos). Then ju put the ingrediens on the tray that is grease:

  • 7-8 whole tomates (washed, but no cut)
  • 2-3 teeth of garlic
  • ½ of large onion or 1 whole small onion, cut into chunks
  • 1-2 fresh chiles
  • 2-3 of the first kind of dry chile ju found (depend on how big they are)
  • 2-3 of the second kind of dry chile ju found (depend on how espicy ju like it)

Ju put the tray with ingrediens in the oven at 350 grados for 30 minutos. Ju drink a margarita or michelada, or whateber ju like. Anyways, this makes one batch of the red salsa for to put in 3 small jars. Ju can double or triple the recipe if you want to give to more peoples.

Then ju take out the tray after 30 minutos and check to make sure the tomates are esquishy like… whatever is esquishy. Get your head out of la basura (thas trash for you pochos). Don’t tosh the tomates with jur hands, use the tongs. I don’t want anybody to write me saying they got burn. I give ju a coco in la cabeza.

Sometines the tomates come out flat on the tray. Thas good. Mijo says the tomates look like hearts. He so romantical because he like to send textos to a girl now. Instead of games he want cologne for his present. He don’t let me meet the girl, but ju know one of these days I will see her and inspect her like a tomate right out of the oven.

Oh, bery important. Let the ingrediens cool down for another 30 minutes.

Drink another michelada, margarita, or whateber ju like. Then ju put the ingrediens in the liquadora (thas blender for you pochos) or the processor of food, or your molcajete if ju really Mexican. Make sure to take out the estems from the chiles. Nobody likes stems in their salsa. When the ingrediens are ready to mix, ju add salt to taste.

Put the salsa in the jars and tell eberyone that ju make Tia Lencha’s salsa for the present.

That remind me, I have to go make my list for Reyes Magos. I asking for a novio this year! And I mean a real one with nice hair, no like my comadre’s cousin Arturo who had what ju call it? A mullet.

Until next time! Happy Holidays and all that.

Photo by webaware.