Perspective: UN adds Salma Hayek’s breasts to world heritage list

[Editor’s Note: With all the attention Salma Hayek’s been getting about pride in her Mexican heritage or lack thereof, POCHO wants to put things in perspective. This story first appeared on June 4.]

(PNS reporting from GENEVA) The U.N.’s Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) has added Salma Hayek’s breasts to the official list of the world’s greatest cultural assets.

Joining the Pyramids in Egypt, the Eiffel Tower in France, the Taj Mahal in India and the Great Wall of China, the Mexican-American actresses’ ample bosom is now acclaimed as one of the great “Cultural Wonders of the World.”

According to UNESCO, Hayek’s bodacious tatas give untold numbers of young (and old) men around the world a “sense of identity and continuity” that promotes “respect for cultural diversity and human creativity.”

Committee Chair Dr. André Moreau noted that Hayek’s contributions to Hollywood films of the 1990s in which you can almost see her breasts and charity work that requires her to dress up her choice chi-chis in expensive gowns have both been pivotal to the American male psyche.

“Who would we be as the human race were it not for Hayek’s turns in Desperado and From Dusk ‘Til Dawn? Those roles made each one of us question whether we had previously seen beauty in boobs, and by extension, in ourselves,” Moreau said.

Back in the U.S., Latino moviegoers were ecstatic, rushing to video stores and Redboxes in order to revisit such memorable appearances by Hayek’s tremendous titties in Wild Wild West, Bandidas and who could forget, Grown Ups.

“I remember the first time I saw them in Desperado, that was a pivotal moment for me,” said Rafa Aguilar, who was twitching in line at a Redbox in Dallas, TX. “I was all, like, ‘Damn! Those are some bitchin’ boobies!’ And I’ve never been the same since,” he said.

When asked how Hayek’s massive mammary glands would be preserved for posterity, Moreau had no comment, noting that Hayek had not returned UNESCO’s phone calls during the process of her breasts’ nomination.

More Salma Hayek: When she was young and needed the money, she shot this video.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.