curandero

M-M-M-M-M YYY LLORONA!

How to annoy Mexicans, let me count the gueys.

One of the best gueys, other than to insist that we are all criminals who need to be deported — even if we are citizens — is to appropriate a beloved part of our culture and act as if you are entitled to do so. You may ask us why are you upset about this The Curse of La Llorona movie? Aren’t there brown people in it? Shouldn’t you be happy that one of your legends is getting the feature film treatment? Doesn’t the director have what sounds like a Latin name? WHY AREN’T YOU MEXICANS EVER HAPPY? WHY DON’T YOU JUST EAT A TACO? WHY IS EVERYBODY SHOUTING? [Mas…]

spellonyouJarina De Marco reinvents Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ I Put A Spell On You, santeria style, in Spanglish. [NSFW language.] [Mas…]


Antonio Vazquez Alba, popularly known as the the Grand Warlock of Mexico, is working his magic on the World Cup, cursing opposing teams and clearing the way for a victory by Mexico. El Brujo Mayor’s track record in influencing and predicting world events is unsurpassed; he famously predicted President Obama would not be reelected to a second term.

Jarina De Marco reinvents Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ I Put A Spell On You, santeria style, in Spanglish. [NSFW language, F-bomb.]

Contrast and compare with the original Screamin’ Jay version: [Mas…]

bigtequilacatSure you can get a flu shot, like a sane and rational modern American.

Or you can get really really sick and walk the road of tradition with the pocho ocho top traditional flu remedies:

8. Abuelita’s chicken soup recipe
7. Wear seven ponchos for seven nights
6. Sweat to the Oldies [Mas…]

(PNS reporting from MIAMI) The imminent crash – later this week – of a Russian space probe scares local spiritual gurus and national experts alike. All of them fear that the death dive of the Russki rocket is a Cosmic Warning of the Mayan Doomsday, scheduled for Dec. 21. Their big brains, however, are split on ways to prevent the Beginning of the End.

“Oh it’s easy,”  one local specialist told PNS. “Just burn the candles.” Futurologist Pat Robertson’s advice is just one word: “Run!”

Russians espace commissars have predicted that fragments from the failed Phobos-Ground probe are expected to fall to Earth around Jan. 15.

What can an ordinary person do?

“Candles, definitely lots of candles,” said S.W. 46th St. curandero Alejandro “La Luz de Jesus” Sosa. [Mas…]