(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Rigoberto “Rigo” Chavez, 15, cringed in horror when he logged into Facebook Thursday morning and received a notification that his abuelita had once again commented on his status.
The high school junior had posted a status that read “$waaaag$” and Abuelita replied in ALL CAPS:
CACHORRITO ERES LA LUZ DE MI VIDA. CUIDATE MUCHO TE QUIERO
Public online humiliation is now a constant “strug” in his online life, the La Villita resident told PNS.
“Yo, ever since my dad got Abuelita that iPad, she’s just been hassling me and sis on FB, you know? Like, what am I supposed to tell my bros? I’m looking weak in front of my boys!”
Sister Cecilia, 17, confirmed that she too lived in fear of what her abuela would do next on Facebook, a popular “social media” website.
“God, my abuelita just learned how to upload photos. So of course she posted a photo of me at four years old wearing an ugly clown costume and crying. The caption said ‘MIRA QUE GORDITA MI BEBE.’” Cecilia shuddered.
Mother Rocio Chavez, 37, said that her children had been complaining about their abuelita for the last two months. “Son unos malagradecidos!” Rocio said vehemently but then admitted, “I do wish my suegra would calm down on Facebook. Every time I post anything, she writes ‘TE HARIA BIEN BAJAR DE PESO Y LES MANDO BESITOS.’ Que viejita tan malvada.”
Why not “unfriend” Abuelita or reply to her comments with the ever-popular “WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?”
“Nah, dude. Nah. Abuelitas…have special…uhm…abilities, you get me?” Rigo said. “Like, I think she could do an hechizo on me.”
Cecilia and Rocio also are wary of Abuelita’s purported magic powers.
“Abuelita is a sweet old lady,” said Cecilia, “but she can do things; I would never want to make her angry.”
Dad Carlos Chavez was defensive about the iPad that sparked this reign of terror. “You think it’s fun for me to see mi familia suffer like this at the hands of my own madre?” he asked. “Actually, it’s sorta fun for me. I’m having a great time.”
Abuelita, stirring something mysterious in a huge pot in her tidy kitchen, told PNS she likes the Feisbuk.
“Ay si,” she said. “Es so nice to keep in touch with my hermosos nietos y suegra.”
Dolores gestured toward the iPad. “Pero este hechizo no es tan poderoso como otros que tengo.”
PREVIOUSLY ON FACEBOOK:
Totally unrelated old woman on an iPad image via Digital Organisers.