Where have all the brown folks gone? I’m In love with ‘Coco’ that is

Where have all the brown folks gone?

I sit at a bar and I count how many are like me, I count two in a room of 30, one is a bar back Latinx and one is an African American bartender, I’ve done this since I realized that I am the other, and I need to find allies quick, in case shit goes down, in case there’s a race war

I order thai food from a food truck and the señor making the food could be my primo, while the Asian owner takes my order

Mas…Where have all the brown folks gone? I’m In love with ‘Coco’ that is

Jesus, please! What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ (video)


When Juanita Carmelita throws an Easter party for the kids, she’s expecting the Easter Bunny to make a guest appearance. But the costume store is out of bunny costumes, so a long-haired bearded Savior-looking guy in robes shows up instead. Dare we expect . . . . a MIRACLE? [Frankie Quiñones stars as Juanita Carmelita.]

PREVIOUSLY ON JUANITA CARMELITA:

Mas…Jesus, please! What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ (video)

What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ Jesus, please! (video)


When Juanita Carmelita throws an Easter party for the kids, she’s expecting the Easter Bunny to make a guest appearance. But the costume store is out of bunny costumes, so a long-haired bearded Savior-looking guy in robes shows up instead. Dare we expect . . . . a MIRACLE? [Frankie Quiñones stars as Juanita Carmelita.]

PREVIOUSLY ON FRANKIE QUIÑONES:

Mas…What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ Jesus, please! (video)

This is my new motto: ‘WWND? What would nana do?’

nanaWhile advances in technology make some areas of our lives easier, good old-fashioned child rearing has become more complicated.

In our grandparent’s day, it was a simpler time. They didn’t have the luxury of worrying about play dates and preschool applications.

I have a motto that has become a guiding principle for applying “old school” methods to present day parenting.

What would nana do?

I’m barely awake, preparing breakfast while holding the baby, trying to sip on day old coffee when my toddler asks me to cut her bread into shapes.

WWND? In nana’s day, a square slice was the only shape you were going to get.

It’s 4:30 pm, the witching hour. Despite the baby screaming all day, I’ve proudly set the table and prepared a healthy dinner. My toddler takes one look at her plate and breaks down in tears because she wants ice cream for dinner.

Mas…This is my new motto: ‘WWND? What would nana do?’

Hillary: I’m like your abuela! Twitter: #NoMames #NotMyAbuela

hilllaryabuelaHillary Clinton’s campaign shared the “7 Ways Hillary Clinton Is Just Like Your Abuela” on her website Tuesday (photo), after daughter Chelsea announced that she was pregnant.

“[Hillary] isn’t afraid to talk about the importance of el respeto,” the site proclaimed, and “she knows what’s best.”

Also, we learned, “she reacts this way when people le faltan el respeto:”

Mas…Hillary: I’m like your abuela! Twitter: #NoMames #NotMyAbuela

Abuela with iPad terrorizes area family via Facebook

IGgrannyipad(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Rigoberto “Rigo” Chavez, 15, cringed in horror when he logged into Facebook Thursday morning and received a notification that his abuelita had once again commented on his status.

The high school junior had posted a status that read “$waaaag$” and Abuelita replied in ALL CAPS:

CACHORRITO ERES LA LUZ DE MI VIDA. CUIDATE MUCHO TE QUIERO

Mas…Abuela with iPad terrorizes area family via Facebook

Family disowns Chicana after discovering she’s vegetarian

veggiestudent(PNS reporting from LAREDO, TX) Alma Huerta returned to her South Texas home for the summer vacation a changed woman.

The 20-year-old history major, the first in her family to go to college, has begun to learn about post-modernism and existentialism in her freshman classes at the University of Texas at Austin. She’s also started to explore vegetarianism.

And that’s where the trouble began.

“It all started with carne asada on Memorial Day — like normal, like always!” Alma’s mother Elvia explained. The family tradition of a carne asada usually included not only the aforementioned meat, but corn, rice, beans, salsa and lots of Bud Lite.

Mas…Family disowns Chicana after discovering she’s vegetarian

Dear Abuelita: Obama or Romney? Flour or corn? Quinceaneras?

Dear Abuelita,
What are you drinking? Is that “Chocolate Abuelita?” It looks different. Anyway…I heard that Mitt Romney really likes Hispanics. Do you think I should vote for him or should I vote for my Negrito again? At least I know that he supports the Dream Act.

Aayy! Abuelita, please ease my worries.
Signed, Aye Voted

Dear Nowhere Near Being PC,
I’m drinking my medicine. It helps me see things clearly and loosens up my middle finger – which I am raising at the screen this very moment.

Hispanics?! Where are you from that you use such offensive terminology? Negrito?! No one uses that word anymore, let alone use it in reference to the President. Not even the modern version of Loteria has El Negrito on the playing cards. Although, it’s still okay to name your perro Negrito, Blackie or Prieto. That’s different.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Obama or Romney? Flour or corn? Quinceaneras?

Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

Dear Abuelita,
I wear a 34C bra. My boyfriend is always scoping out girls with bigger boobs. Should I get implants?
Titi Caca

Dear Titi Caca,
Here’s what you need to do: Tell your boyfriend to look in the mirror the next time he wants to see a big boob then dump the pendejo. As for you, make yourself an appointment for a self-esteem implant ASAP. That’s all I have to say. I don’t have time to figure out the root of your insecurities. There are more important things to focus on than your pea-sized mosquito bites.

Do you have any idea how much trouble big chi-chis are? Let me tell you, they can be a real pain in the ass! I mean it, I once flung mine over my shoulders so hard the damned things left bruises on my nalgas.
Love, Your Abuelita

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

Dear Abuelita: Does my extensive toy frog collection scare off men?

Dear Abuelita,
For the last 20 years of my 30, I’ve been collecting toy frogs. My apartment is so full of frogs there is barely a place to sit down. I’ve never had a long-term boyfriend because I can never invite them over for fear they will freak out. How can I find a man that will love me, frogs and all?
Sincerely, Ribbit in Frog Town

Dear Rosie the Ribbiter,
Do you kiss your toy frogs in hopes of finding a prince? Insanity makes a person do funny things, tu sabes. This is unhealthy behavior, mija. The only man you’ll find this way is a wart-covered serial killer or a Beanie Baby collector – both equally dangerous. Time to clean house. Get rid of the girlie toys and make room for boys with adult toys.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Does my extensive toy frog collection scare off men?

Dear Abuelita: I’m 48 and I love this guy but I think I scared him off

Querida Abuelita,
I’m a 48-year-old hot-blooded Latina and pienso que I’ve finally fallen in love por la ultima vez as in I WANT TO MARRY THIS MAN! Problem is quizas I have scared him away after he hit his nerdy cabeza falling so hard for me, too. How do I hook the love of my life? Por favor, I’m tired of praying to baby Jesus, just help me with your wise words…
Fallen Hard

Dear 48 and Failing Hard (I mean, Fallen Hard),
I don’t blame the off-balance nerdy vato for running. Do you have any idea how desperate you sound? Forty-eight, in love por la ultima vez, want to marry the guy, praying to baby Jesus? Hiljole madre, just reading your woes makes me want to hit my cabeza with a full can of cerveza.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: I’m 48 and I love this guy but I think I scared him off