Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

Dear Abuelita,
I have still my cuero (foreskin) and I was wondering if I get circumcised will I feel better when I am inside a choncho or will I be wasting my ficha.
Signed, Extra Carne

Dear Extra Carne Carnal,
Some people dislike extra carnita on their flauta but a little foreskin can be fun during foreplay. I can’t tell you how many times I played peek-a-boo with uncut pee-pees. Now you see it – now you don’t. Now you see it – oh, the laughs we had.

You wouldn’t be willing to try that, que no? There is something about your pregunta that spells macho and unimaginative when it comes to sex. It’s always about me me me, wah wah, wee-wee. Oh, it hurts when you pull it back. Be careful not to rip it with your braces. I know your type, You’re a wiener whiner.

Chonchos have feelings too and I’ll let you in on a secret, they don’t care if you’ve got flap on your tap but they do want it to wear a cap. Save your dinero for condoms.
Always, Abuelita

Dear Abuelita.
Any advice on how to reduce my man boobs?
Signed, El Chichon

Dear El Chichon,
Here’s a few things you can do – for starters lay off the mota and cut down on the masa.

There have been reports that smoking the ganja for long periods of time can cause hombres to grow hooters.

I don’t know if this is true or not but it does give you the muchies and maybe that’s why you’re busting out of your wife beater. You can go under the knife and have a reduction or buy a breast binder like the hardcore butch chicks wear.

Either way, get them fixed. No one wants to see you rocking a D cup.
With Love, Your Abuelita

Dear Readers,
As much as your Dear Abuelita wishes she can get to all your questions it’s simply impossible to do so with my busy schedule. Between speed dating at the Veteran’s Hall, working the door at the local cantina, being the commentator at the mobility scooter demolition derby, and strip poker nights I have little time and energy left to toss worthy words of wisdom let alone fling an Abuelita Reality Chancla your way.

Don’t fret, your Dear Abuelita will get around to you eventually.I have to go now, my Tuesday night Sancho is here. Hasta los huevos, I mean, hasta luego.
Love, Abuelita


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