sex

The Idiot’s Guide to Smart People: ‘Sex & Relationships’ (video)

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Relationships are hard, even for smart people, and especially around Valentine’s Day, am I right? Can idiots like us get lucky in love? What if we’re dealing with smart people? Can an internet video offer the answer we’ve been looking for? Can we put another question into this paragraph? [If the words boner and/or vagina are NSFW, don’t play this video too loudly or freshen up your resume.]

PREVIOUSLY ON THE IDIOT’S GUIDE:

Mas…The Idiot’s Guide to Smart People: ‘Sex & Relationships’ (video)

Brazil sex workers learn English to prep for World Cup (NSFW video)

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The Association of Prostitutes of Minas Gerais is teaching English to sex workers to help them deal with foreign customers. The state will host a match between Costa Rica and England and expects horny hordes of visiting futbol fans. Monday’s class, run by Igor Fuchs, was the last before today’s formal start of the games in Sao Paolo. [NSFW adult language and images.]

Along with normal conversational vocabulary, the students also learn words which might be used during encounters with clients. Sex work has been legal in Brazil since the year 2000.

Ex-Daily Show contributor John Oliver (Last Week Tonight on HBO) has some excellent World Cup coverage, too:

Mas…Brazil sex workers learn English to prep for World Cup (NSFW video)

Was Brazil’s Antônio Villas Boas the first UFO abductee? (video)

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Antônio Villas Boas reported that the space aliens kidnapped him from a field he was plowing, brought him aboard their UFO/OVNI, stripped him naked and then a female ET raped him. In 1957, this made him a pioneer — way before the Betty and Barney Hill were abducted in New England in 1961. NPR reports:

According to Villas Boas, he was plowing fields with his tractor when he was taken against his will by a group of ETs measuring about 5 feet tall. On their spaceship he was put in a room where he saw some kind of gas come out of the walls, making him sick. Then a very attractive female, naked, with long platinum-blonde hair, fire-red pubic hair and deep-blue cat eyes, came to him and forced him to have intercourse….

Mas…Was Brazil’s Antônio Villas Boas the first UFO abductee? (video)

Breaking: Scientists ID ’empty the trash’ gene in male DNA

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trashguy(PNS reporting from BOSTON) Geneticists at Boston University have discovered the gene in men that gives them the strength, stamina and expertise to take out the trash.

According to an article published Monday in the journal Science, the gene is located near other genetic material that corresponds to mens’ inherent superior ability to mow the lawn and open tight jar lids.

Mas…Breaking: Scientists ID ’empty the trash’ gene in male DNA

So you think you can dance? Peep the Magnificent Riflebird (video)

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“The Magnificent Riflebird (Ptiloris magnificus) is a medium-sized (up to 34 cm long) passerine bird widely distributed throughout lowland rainforests of New Guinea and far Northeastern Australia. Males are polygamous and perform solitary courtship displays on a ‘dancing perch’. During these displays, the male fully extends his wings and raises his tail; he hops upward while swinging his head from side to side, showing off his metallic blue-green breast shield. Multiple females will observe these displays, and, if satisfied with the performance, reward the male with copulations.” …Wikipedia.

New ‘East Los High’ web series exposes sexrification of East L.A. (video)

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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) A new web series on Hulu is poised to blow the lid off the unprecedented rise of sexy Latinos currently overrunning East Los Angeles.  The series, East Los High, is a riveting expose of the rapid “sexrification” of the historically low-and-slow Chicano community.

“The kids at East Los High are hot, they’re ripped, and they can dance,” said Garfield High School alum Alberto “Sleepy” Gonzalez.  “When I drop my kid off at school, it looks like he’s stepping into another country, like Puerto Rico.”

Mas…New ‘East Los High’ web series exposes sexrification of East L.A. (video)

Tampa’s gay hookers ready for Republican Convention (NSFW video)

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There’s going to be hot time in Tampa Bay next week when the GOP National Convention rolls into town. Republicans, who like to be seen as “job creators,” are expected to stimulate a long and thick boost in business for area gay prostitutes, and the hookers are looking forward to handling the hanging chads of closeted delegates. (Totally NSFW language.)

Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

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Dear Abuelita,
The fourth race at Hollywood Park Friday night (mares and fillies, 5 1/2 furlongs, three-year-olds and up) appears very competitive to me, but analysis indicates I should look closely at #7 La Sancha, with 117-pound jockey V. Espinoza holding the reins. Some handicappers maintain that the predicted hot weather points to #5 Onyx Be Good with jockey A. Perez at 112 pounds; the hope is the lighter load will be easier in the heated air. Any thoughts?
A horse is a horse

Dear Exacta mente,
Who do you think I am? Charles Bukowski, or worse your pinche bookie? So you like mares and fillies with 5 1/2 furlongs. I thought waxing was the “in” thing these days.

Well, seeing how you’re looking at La Sancha, it’s safe to say you like the exotic wagers. Smart move, you can kill two ponies with a two-peso quinella and come out quite the stud. Speaking of stud, what say you meet me with your winnings at the Turf Club? Remember to dress “smart casual.” I’ll be in my fancy muumuu.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

The Pope’s Pocho Ocho relaxed rules for Catholics besides condoms

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Pope Benedict XVI‘s 2010 statement that condoms are OK to prevent the spread of HIV is getting new attention now that some religious institutions are fighting a mandate to offer birth control as part of employee health plans.

The Pontiff’s relaxing the rules on condoms was mostly overlooked when he made it, along with Pocho Ocho other changes in Catholic doctrine you might not be aware of:

8. Premarital sex still forbidden except on alternate side of the week Thursdays.

7. It’s now OK to refer to the Three Wise Men as the Three Wise Dudes.

6. Confession now starts with “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned but You Only Live Once.”

Mas…The Pope’s Pocho Ocho relaxed rules for Catholics besides condoms

Dear Abuelita: WiFi bath salts, leave it to Beaver, going down

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Hey Old Lady!
Oh they think they are so friggin clever but I know what they are up to listening to me through my wifi and microwave well i have nothing to hide so neener neener Mr. and Ms. Big Brother politically correct death panel.

YOU WAN TO TAKE MY GUNNAWAY WELL HELL NO WE WONT GO. Don’t tase me bro hahah. I fought the law and law Juan. law Juan get it? Rock and roll will always die it will always be yakkity yak don’t talk back take out the papers and the trash or you dont get no steenkin cash. You have advice for me OLD LADY?

Why you smell like mota and not mocha? hahahaha.
Signed, Dada Doodoo

Dear Dodo Bird,
Que idiota! Have the drogas worn off yet? I don’t have time for your paranoid rants and raves. There are perfectly good street corners for you to stand on for spewing this kind of nonsense. Why don’t you go find one and leave me alone. Make sure you get there early before the OG vatos from Victory Outreach beat you to it. Better yet, stand on a corner opposite them and use your Mr. Microphone. I know you have one.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: WiFi bath salts, leave it to Beaver, going down

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