Florida voter fraud crackdown finally snares a live one

Mr. ChaCha is remorseful

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as the U.S. Department of Justice seeks to shut down Florida’s effort to disenfranchise voters, state officials are overjoyed that their purge of voter role has finally nabbed a real fraud, even if their case is a dog.

Much to the relief of Republican witch-hunters who were under fire for challenging the eligibility to vote of war veterans, grandmothers and local heroes, a French Bulldog puppy named Mr. ChaCha was charged on Tuesday for voting fraudulently in a local Miami election last year.

The eight-month-old pup snuck into a neighborhood high school, sniffed the ballot and then pulled the lever for Hammad Jose de Marx, the Green Party candidate for Dade County Residential Service Officer, according to poll watchers. “Though Mr. ChaCha’s motives are unclear, one fact is clear: Voter fraud is real,” an election board spokesman said.

Republican Gov. Rick Scott has unleashed a massive voter purge targeting residents suspected of being Fascist Socialist illegal immigrants who believe in Evolution. Over 2600 voters have been ruled ineligible to vote for assorted reasons.

Cute puppy or not, Scott is no fan of Mr. ChaCha:

Clearly, he’s a Socialist. He is French after all. I doubt he was born in America. Stepping in dog doo like his could really stink up an election!

Republicans have been very vocal about the threat of French Bulldog voter fraud. The breed’s popularity has grown exponentially, creating a massive population boom in more urban areas prone to voting with the Democrats.

“These fancy city-dwellers want us to play fetch with their liberal agenda. I, for one, say bad dog,” former governor Jeb Bush told a local TV station.

Bush blamed the liberal media for the fraud epidemic:

The liberal media has made it cool to breed French Bulldogs and what does that get us? Undocumented anchor puppies just hankering to bark the vote.

Although Mr. ChaCha’s owner presented a long-form AKC certificate that stated the pup was born in Oviedo, FL, neither Scott nor Republican pedigree professor Donald Trump were convinced. “I’m not saying I’m a birther, I just don’t believe Mr. ChaCha is a real American,” Trump said.

In light of his age, Mr. ChaCha was spared the harsher punishment of deportation to France and sentenced to ten minutes of time out.

“He is deeply remorseful for his actions as you can tell by looking at his sad puppy dog eyes,” the owner told officials. “And who left that turd in the hallway?”

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Bulldog image courtesy AlessandroPhoto.