Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

One good result is that after no drinking beers, I get eskinny! Mijo post a pishure of me on the Google gwearing my new size dress and I get a lot of emails from mens that want to be my novios. I don’t say that drinking these micheladas gwill make ju eskinny and have a lot of novios, but I think they gwill make ju eskinny and get a lot of novios.

Oso, for Cinco de Mayo, is fun to be no drinking beers so ju can see how fawny the people acting who are drinking the beers. Ju can take pishures of jur friends or strangers gwearing big sombreros and fake bigotes (thas moustaches for ju pochos).* Ju can post the pishures on the google, but I don’t know it gwill get those people a lot of novios. But maybe jes.

OK, here is the recipe for the fruit flabor michelada concentrate. Ju make the concentrate first and then ju mix with the club soda (instead of beers). But if ju insist on making it with beers, the concentrate is still bueno (thas good for ju pochos).

Watermelons Flabor Virgin Michelada


¼ of a watermelons (cut into any shapes ju like)
juice of a lot of limes (9-10 of them at least, or more if they no juicy)
Worchester sauce (ju can oso substitute with Magi sauce)
Hot Sauce (or the chili powder call Tajín)
Salt (a course)
Ice (a course)

How Ju Make:

Put the watermelons in the licuadora (thas blender for ju pochos) and blend until is a juice. Ju can pass the juice through an estrainer if ju are a picky pocho, but is no necessary. Next, cut the limes into halfs and esqueeze the juice with jur Mexican lemon esqueezer. If ju don’t have a lemon esqueezer, I don’t want to tell ju how to live jur life, but ju should go get one. Put the lime juice with the watermelons juice. Next, ju add the Worchester sauce (about 5-6 good esprinkles of the bottle). Then add the hot sauce or Tajin (to taste).

Ju can add the salt in the juice or if ju want to be fancy, ju can use the limes ju esqueezed to rub around the rim of the glass and then dip the rim in a pile of salt. Is so professional. Gwen ju finish the rim job, ju can put ice in the glass. Then fill the glass to the half with the concentrate. Ju finish filling the glass with the club soda and jur done! A fruity virgin michelada!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

* If ju want, ju can still gwear a big Mexican hat and a bigote and act like ju are crazy when ju drink this michelada with no beers.

[Photo by protoplasmkid via Wikipedia.]