Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Cinco de Mayo fruity virgin Micheladas for ju

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Cinco de Mayo fruity virgin Micheladas for ju

Weeping Virgin Mary statue in Fresno draws the faithful (video)


The statue of La Virgen de Guadalupe in Maria Cardena’s living room in the central California city of Fresno appears to weeping, and she thinks it’s a miracle.

Joe Ybarra reports for KFSN:

A statue of the Virgin Mary in Fresno appears to be weeping. The family who owns the statue calls it a miracle and said it’s been happening for a while.

To the faithful, Maria Cardenas said the statue of the Virgin Mary is a blessing. Tears seem to well up in her right eye and stream down her face to her chin.

Cardenas said it’s beautiful the way she looks right now. Every tear, she said, is nothing short of a miracle. So she collects them in a glass and shares them with those who find their way to this home.

Mas…Weeping Virgin Mary statue in Fresno draws the faithful (video)

Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Epistle to the Internets: ‘Jesus Had A Jewish Mother’ (toon)

jesusjewishmother“Mom, how many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?”

“Don’t worry about me, Sammy, I’ll just sit here in the dark.” [RIMSHOT.]

Was it any different for Jesus of Nazareth and his Jewish mother Mary?

Cartoonista Idan Schneider answers the kvetching question as the toon continues here: Jesus Had A Jewish Mom.

PREVIOUSLY ON JUDIOS:

Mas…Epistle to the Internets: ‘Jesus Had A Jewish Mother’ (toon)

Thank you Virgen de Guadalupe for helping POCHO break the ñews

The Feast Day of La Virgen de Guadalupe, the Empress of Latin America, celebrated every December 12.

La Virgen has consistently helped POCHO break the ñews – with stories that included Nuestra Señora:

Dear Virgin Mary: What should I wear for Halloween? (photos)

astrovirginDear Blessed Virgin Mary:

What should I do for Halloween? Do you have any costume suggestions? I am out of ideas.

Unhappy Hyna in South Carolina

Dear Hyna:

South Carolina? Oh, Dios Mio, you have to get out of there pronto! But until you do, I think I can help you with some Halloween costume ideas. It’s one of my fave holidays — I put on my red pumps and go out and get a little crazy. Virgins just wanna have fun, tu sabes?

And I’ve worn a bunch of different costumes over the years, like this astronaut outfit in the pic. Or see if my other photos offer a look that’s right for you!

Your BV, Mary

Mas…Dear Virgin Mary: What should I wear for Halloween? (photos)

La Virgen de Guadalupe: ‘I’m too sexy for your cover!’ (toon)

SEXYLUPELa Virgen de Guadalupe’s new Summer 2013 look — as seen on a recent cover of the Santa Fe Reporter — has gotten some people upset. Fox Latino reports:

“If your intent was to in effect slap Catholics across the face, by putting forth this public depiction of Our Lady as a party girl, during the very week that we honor her as our patroness, then I can only say that from my perspective, you succeeded,” wrote the Rev. Adam Lee Ortega y Ortiz, the rector of the Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi in Santa Fe, in a letter to the editor. “I must voice my outrage and disgust at the decision to depict Our Lady of Guadalupe in such a demeaning manner. I am personally and professionally insulted by the cover.”

POCHO wants to confess, too! Mea culpa, Padre. We have sinned with some of our recent illustrations, like this one of the Virgin contemplating a pregnancy test:

Mas…La Virgen de Guadalupe: ‘I’m too sexy for your cover!’ (toon)

Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)


Happy Tax Day, pochos! This week on MiJA I discuss the near conclusion of back-room negotiations on immigration “reform” and delve deep into the heart of the Internets to discover Barbies of the World. You think Mexican Barbie is bad — Peruvian Barbie comes with an anchor baby (and she’s not the worst of them!)

Mas…Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)

POCHO thanks La Virgen de Guadalupe for helping us break the ñews

Today is the Feast Day of La Virgen de Guadalupe, the Empress of Latin America, celebrated every December 12.

La Virgen has consistently helped POCHO break the ñews. Here are a few of our favorite stories that included Nuestra Señora:

Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?

That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?

On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.

On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo.  Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama —  a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.

These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

If every picture tells a story–does this one? Caption contest! *UPDATED

*We have a winner! Scroll down for all the entries and the best caption.

Caption this image to win something cool from us and perhaps the esteem of pochos everywhere!

Contest begins now and ends at midnight PDT tonight. POCHO decisions final. Bribes accepted but no guarantees, OK? Deal? Deal. Write your caption below to enter. Captions posted on Facebook don’t count, even with bribes. You can’t win a prize if you don’t enter a real email address.

Image borrowed from The Chita’s Clitoris, a Tumblr well worth your adult eyeballs; the pre-cholafied painting is here.