Pocho Ocho ways for a sinner like you to get into heaven

Heaven is exactly like this

Easter got us thinking about The End. Will we make it past those pearly gates into heaven?

You could try to live your life by your religion’s standards, sure, but where’s the fun in that? Here are pocho ocho ways for a sinner like you to get past St. Peter:

8. Invest in a timeshare now
Hey, it works when you want to go to Palm Springs or Miami — why not heaven?

7. Make a shrine in your home burning 72 veladoras at any given time
It’s common knowledge that every candle you light is like another spiritual brownie point. So, logically, the more candles, the more likely you can get into heaven.

6. Name your son Jesús or your daughter Guadalupe
It has to be true — otherwise we wouldn’t all have uncles named Chuy or cousins named Lupe.

5. Don’t ever eat meat on any Friday
Just in case — and just to be sure!

4. Get a tattoo of the Virgen de Guadalupe, or Jesus, or the cross, or a rosary, or…
We all know that marketing and branding is important, and what would be a more legitimate brand than a spiritual tattoo?

3. Tell ’em your primo Jesús is in there and that vato owes you money
Everyone in heaven wants to do the right thing, right? And paying your debts is part of that, you can’t argue with that logic! There’s no way you’re not getting in!

2. Get a good Jewish lawyer
Why take any chances? Get it in writing.

And the numero uno way to get into heaven is…

Don’t even try, it’s really hard to pull off an all-white outfit.

Photo by Beverly & Pack.