jesus

Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances.

“Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of toast without someone copying me?” asked Jesus Christ (photo, right). “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for faith and everything, but she goes out of her way to appear on everything! Am I right, people?”

Another virgin in attendance, rarely-seen La Virgen de San Juan (photo, left), said that although she’s “totally cool” with being a lesser-known virgin, she will never be able to grow her Twitter following or sell more CDs when Guadalupe is always “hogging the spotlight.”

“The union has rules for a reason, so everyone has a chance at appearing on tortillas or an oil stain,” San Juan told PNS. “I don’t expect to be number one — I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about the Mother of God here — but I do expect my fair share.”

Mas…Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

Trump’s ‘Supply-Side Jesus’ will make America great again (video)

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Donald Trump’s economic policies, unveiled yesterday in Detroit, would erase whatever meager protections we have left against out-of-control corporations, let polluters ruin our air, spoil our water, and boil our endangered planet, kill Obamacare, give rich people a tax break and ruin whatever progress we have made since George W. Bush and his Wall Street cronies caused the Great Recession.

How and why can the GOP justify this deluded douchebag’s proposals? It’s the Gospel of Supply-Side Jesus, as explained by now-Senator Al Franken (D-Minn.)

Good Friday particularly disappointing for ambitious Facebook post

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By SYDNEY PRESLEY

(PNS reporting from RANCHO CUCAMONGA) The clock is ticking for Pope Franciss’ Facebook post, which is 50 AMEN comments short of its 10k goal and the promised resurrection and triumphant return of Jesus Christ.

The photo posted by the FB account using the Pontiff’s image has garnered thousands of “likes” and “shares” but was shy of the required AMENs as Easter loomed.

“I didn’t expect the post to take off like it did,” said Annette Benson, 54, a retired San Bernardino County clerk who runs the account from her home here. “I guess it just shows how much America is in need of a prayer right now. Jesus is what will make America great again. Let me hear you say AMEN!”

Mas…Good Friday particularly disappointing for ambitious Facebook post

POCHO El Pastor: ¿Who would Jesus deport?

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wwjdDon’t you just love being awakened at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning with a knock on the door from your cheerful neighborhood congregation?

If you are from the southeast Los Angeles area that might have been me (dispensa for the madrugada). One thing I’ve learned is that faith, politics and culture are intrinsically woven together for many of us.

If the Jesus of the Bible were among us today, I would what He would think of the ‘MURICA! version of His teachings, and I’d like to ask Him a simple question, “Who would You deport”?

Mas…POCHO El Pastor: ¿Who would Jesus deport?

Oaxaca woman finds face of Jesus on homemade tortilla (video)

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jesustortillawide“A woman in southern Mexico decided to use a tortilla she had just made for spiritual, rather than physical, food after seeing the face of Jesus Christ looking back at her,” reports the Daily Mail:

Enedina Mendoza and her family make tortillas in the small Oaxacan town of Tlalixtac de Cabrera, and the baker that she [said] normally doesn’t even look at her creations.

However, instead of sending one tortilla off to become a blessed burrito, Mendoza took another glance and recognized the son of God.

Mas…Oaxaca woman finds face of Jesus on homemade tortilla (video)

In the name of Jesus! This Mexican kid is harassing me! (video)

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Too much caffeine? A “Christian” lady in an Oklahoma coffee shop has hella angry feels. “In the name of Jesus!” she exclaims. “This Mexican kid is harassing me!” We’re confused. Do you think his name might be Jesús? The video is from 2011, but crazy H8RZ are forever.