Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Cinco de Mayo fruity virgin Micheladas for ju

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Cinco de Mayo fruity virgin Micheladas for ju

Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

turkeymole640Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad.

Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo had more dinero and drive a troka (thas truck for ju pochos) with plastic bolitas hanging from the bumper. Oh gwell.

In Mexico we say mijo’s daddy got put horns. Mijo’s daddy cry and cry but he no give me my mijo support cheque. I tell him my house is no LenchaCare. He need to pay. He say need money for divorce the eskank. I have to go to the offices to get him to pay.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make chilaquiles for the World Cup

chilaquilesHello. Is Tia Lencha here. I haves the World Cup feber. Do ju?

Is the feber ju get from watching the World Cups and being so mad at the referees and Holland and wonder who put brujeria on Brazil, that ju want to hit the telebision with a cuchara from the kishen. But I watch the games anyways.

The only gway I can watch the games now is to drink some micheladas to make me want to hit the telebision less times. So today I tell ju how to make chilaquiles to go with the beers that ju need in order to watch the games of the third place and the finals this week.

First the ingrediens:

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make turkey in Mole Poblano for mijo

turkeymole640Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. I was closed like the gobernment. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad.

Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo had more dinero and drive a troka (thas truck for ju pochos) with plastic bolitas hanging from the bumper. Oh gwell.

In Mexico we say mijo’s daddy got put horns. Mijo’s daddy cry and cry but he no give me my mijo support cheque. I tell him my house is no LenchaCare. He need to pay. He say need money for divorce the eskank. I have to go to the offices to get him to pay.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make turkey in Mole Poblano for mijo

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Food Network goes ‘Mexican’ for Cinco de Mayo

Oh. Hi. Is Tia Lencha here. Don’t talk loud. My cabeza hurts.

Tia Lencha went to a restaurante with mariachis and micheladas and little mini tacos jesterday. She had more micheladas than tacos, and gwell. Is not her fault. The tacos were spensive and the size for the dolls to eat.

So she stay at home putting ice on her cabeza, drinking the water and seeing the Food Network on the TV. And ju know what? They try to be Mexican for Cinco de Mayo.

The first thing I notice is the Cacique cheese commercial a million times. Not estrange except that the voice of an Americano says to go “awtenteeco” like they are translating for all the gringos. Then what’s his name (Aaron Sancho?) from the eshow Chopped appear and shows food and then says all the words in espanish right.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Food Network goes ‘Mexican’ for Cinco de Mayo

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for the Mayan Apocalypse

Rancho Pocho and surrounding communities will be alive with excitement tonight as everyone awaits the End of the World As We Know It at midnight local time. Don’t stay at home — party hardy or die Mayan!

Here’s what’s going on around town:

• FOR THE GENTS: In the Rancho Pocho Downtown Historic District, Club Rico for Gentlemen is offering no cover admission to a special presentation by the North Pole Dancers, the chillest elvettes to ever stuff a thong. Dressed as Santa? All lap dances are 50% off!  Prices good until midnight, of course.

• FOR THE LADIES: Don’t be fat at the end of the world — burn fat at the Grand Opening of the new Spin ‘N’ Thin Spa located where the Gun ‘N’ Run sporting goods store used to be on Miramar in Pocho Hills. Burn, baby, burn with “all you can spin” classes at two-for-one prices. Bring your BFF and spin till you barf at one low price. It’s never too spin to be thin! Special available until midnight.

Mas…Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for the Mayan Apocalypse

RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila

Endless speeches, stupid roll calls and pointless posturing can make national political convention watching a boring exercise — that’s why you need to play games along with the pinche politicians.

Mira! The Republican National Convention Drinking Game, sponsored by Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila.

Keep your eyes on the screen, stay alert and react swiftly! Life is chort!

Mas…RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila