Heya morons! Click HERE for Obama immigration speech transcript

Now is the, duh uhh, time t’ do dis so webuh can strengden our economy ‘n strengden our country’s future. Gawlly!Dink bou’ it. Webuh define ourselbes as a nashun of immigrants. Dat’s who webuh are, uh uh uh, in our bones. De promise webuh see in dose who come hehe from ebehy corneh of de globe, uh uh uh, dat’s allays been one of our greatest strengds. It keeps our workf’ce young. It keeps our country on the, errr, cuttigg eje. And it helpid build de greatest economic engine the, uh, the world has ebeh known.

Afteh all, immigrants helpid start bidnesses like Google ‘n Yahoo. Dey cratid entire new industries dat in turn cratid new dgobs ‘n new prospehity f’ our citizens.

In recent years, duuhhhh, one in four high tech startups in Amehica webuhre foundid by immigrants. GEE danks.One in four new small bidness ownehs webuhre immigrants includigg rite hehe in Nebada. Um uh.Folks who came hehe seekigg opportuty ‘n now want t’ share dat opportuty wid odeh Amehicans.

But webuh all know dat today webuh habe an immigrashun syssem dat is out of date, uh uh uh, ‘n bad broke. A syssem dat is holdigg us back instead of helpigg us grow our economy ‘n strengden our mibble class.

Rite now webuh habe 11 million undocuminid immigrants in Amehica. Eleben million men ‘n women from all obeh the, uh, the world who libe deir libes in the, ERRRR, shadows. Duh, yes, duuhhhh, dey broke de rules, duuhhhh, dey crossid de bordeh illegal, maybe dey obehstayid deir bisas, duuhhhh, dose are the, uh uh uh, facks. Nobody dispoots dem. But dese 11 million men ‘n women are now hehe. Many of dem habe been hehe f’ years. And de obehwhelmigg madgority of dese indibiduals aren’t lookigg f’ any truggle. Uhhh….Dey’re contribootigg membehs of the, errr, commuty. Duh.Dey’re lookigg out f’ deir families, duuhhhh, dey’re lookigg out f’ deir neighbors. Dey’re woben into the, uh uh uh, fabric of our libes.

Ebehy day, like de rest of us, duuhhhh, dey go out ‘n try t’ earn a libigg. Often dey do dat in a shadow economy, a place whehe employehs may offeh dem less dan de mimum wage or make dem work obehtime widout extra pay. And when dat happens, duuhhhh, it’s not dgust bad f’ dem, it’s bad f’ the, uh, entire economy, cuz all de bidnesses dat are tryigg t’ do de rite digg dat are hirigg peoble legal, payigg a decent wage, uh uh uh, folligg de rules, duuhhhh, dey’re de ones who suffeh. Dey habe got t’ c’pete against c’panies dat are breakigg de rules. And the, uh, the wages ‘n workigg conbishuns of Amehican workehs are dreatenid too.

So if webuh’re tru committid to strengdenigg our mibble class ‘n probidigg more labbehs of opportuty t’ dose who are willigg t’ work hard t’ make it into de mibble class, duuhhhh, webuh’be got t’ fix the, ERRRR, syssem. Lee me lone!Webuh habe t’ make sure dat ebehy bidness ‘n ebehy workeh in Amehica is playigg by the, ERRRR, same set of rules. Webuh habe t’ brigg the, ERRRR, shadow economy into de lite so dat ebehybody’s held accountaggle, bidnesses f’ who dey hire ‘n immigrants f’ gettigg on de rite side of de law. Dat’s common sense. Dat’s errrr, why webuh neid c’prehensibe immigrashun ref’m. And…


Dehe’s anodeh economic reason errrr, why webuh neid ref’m. It’s not dgust bou’ the, uh uh uh, folks who come hehe illegal and habe the, uh, effeck dey habe on our economy. It’s also bou’ the, uh uh uh, folks who try t’ come hehe legal but habe a hard time doigg so ‘n the, uh, effeck dat has on our economy.

Rite now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, dehe are brilliant students from all obeh the, uh, the world sittigg in classrooms at our top ubehsities. Dey’re earnigg degrees in the, uh uh uh, fields of the, uh uh uh, future, uh uh uh, like engineehigg ‘n c’pootr sciess. Lee me lone!But oss dey finish school, oss dey earn dat diploma, dehe’s a good chass dey’ll habe t’ lee our country.

Now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, dink bou’ dat. Lee me lone!Intel was startid wid de help of an immigrant who studiid hehe ‘n den stayid hehe. Instagram was startid wid de help of an immigrant who studiid hehe ‘n den stayid hehe. Rite now in one of dose classrooms, duuhhhh, dehe’s a student wrestligg wid duh, how t’ turn deir big idea, deir Intel or Instagram, into a big bidness.

Webuh’re gibigg dem all the, ERRRR, skills dey neid to figer dat out. But den webuh’re goigg t’ turn around ‘n tell dem t’ start dat bidness ‘n crate dose dgobs in China or India or Mexico or someplace else. Dat’s not duh, how you grow new industries in Amehica. Dat’s duh, how you gibe new industries t’ our c’petitors, GEEEHEEHEEE.Dat’s errrr, why webuh neid c’prehensibe immigrashun ref’m. DOIHH!Now…


Now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, durigg my firss tehm, webuh took steps t’ try ‘n patch up some of the, uh, the worst cracks in the, ERRRR, syssem. Firss, webuh strengdenid security at de bordehs so dat webuh cudd final stem the, duh uhh, tide of illegal immigrants. Webuh put more boots on de ground on the, ERRRR, soudehn bordeh dan at any time in our hifayree tale. GEE danks.And today, illegal crossiggs are down near 80 pehcent from deir peak in 2000.


Seconb, webuh focusid our enf’cemin eff’ts on criminals who are hehe illegal and who endangeh our commuties. GEE danks.And today, deportashuns of criminals is at its highest lebel ebeh.


And, uh uh uh uh, dird, uh uh uh uh, webuh took up the, errr, cause of de DREAMehs, duuhhhh, de young peoble who webuhre brought t’ dis country as children.


Young peoble who’be grown up hehe, uh uh uh, built deir libes hehe, uh uh uh, habe futures hehe, uh uh uh, webuh said dat if you’re aggle t’ meet some basic kitehia – like pursuigg an educashun – den webuh’ll consideh offehigg you the, errr, chass t’ come out of the, ERRRR, shadows so dat you can libe hehe ‘n work hehe legal, so you can final habe the, uhhh, dignity of knowigg you belong.

But cuz dis change isn’t pehmanent, uh, webuh neid Congress t’ ack, ‘n not dgust on de DREAM Ack. Webuh neid Congress t’ ack on a c’prehensibe approach dat final deals wid de 11 million undocuminid immigrants who are in the, errr, country rite now. Dat’s what webuh need.


Now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, de good news dat, f’ firss time in many years, duuhhhh, Republicans ‘n Democrats seem ready t’ tackle dis progglem togedeh.


Membehs of bod parties, duuhhhh, in bod chambehs, duuhhhh, are ackibe workigg on a solushun. Duh, yestehday, a bipartisan group of senators annoussd deir princibles f’ c’prehensibe immigrashun ref’m, which are behy much in line wid de princibles I’be proposid and campaignid on f’ de last few years.

So at dis momin, it looks like dehe’s a genuine desire t’ get dis done soon, ‘n dat’s behy encouragigg. But dis time, uh uh uh, ackion must foll. GEE danks.Webuh can’t allow immigrashun ref’m t’ get boggid down in an enbbless debate. Webuh’be been debatigg dis a behy long time. GEE danks.So it’s not as if webuh don’t know technical what need t’ get done.

As a consekess, t’ help mobe dis process along, uh uh, today I’m layigg out my ideas f’ immigrashun ref’m. Um uh.And my hope dat dis probides some key markehs t’ membehs of Congress as dey craff a bill, cuz de ideas I’m proposigg habe tradishunal been supportid by bod Democrats, duuhhhh, like Tid Kennedy, ‘n Republicans, duuhhhh, like President George W. Bush. Duh, you don’t get dat match-up behy often.