Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing
5. Women will be allowed to control their own bodies if they get into the kitchen and wash those pots and pans and help him figure out where the heck that favorite green tshirt is
4. Gays will be afforded full civil rights if Hell freezes over
3. Evolution will be taught in public schools when cows fly
2. Free pie for everyone when math teachers give up on that 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307… bullshit and stick to plain old 3.
And the numero uno Rick Santorum political proposal is…
American troops will leave Afghanistan when Osama bin Laden is killed or captured.
Illo by DonkeyHotey.
Did we miss any of Mr. Frothy’s political proposals?