Turns out Christopher Columbus wasn’t brave, he was just really bad at math. Adam Ruins Everything explains.
The United States Postal Service picked the 87th conference of the League of United Latin American Citizens (LULAC) Wednesday in Washington, D.C. to premiere its stamp honoring Jaime Escalante, the East Los high school math teacher who was the hero of the film Stand and Deliver.
Edward J. Olmos played Escalante in the film (video below).
Or maybe not. StatNews reports:
Math teacher Jaime Escalante teaches Hey Vato’s Chuy and Smiley a lot more than just mathematics in this lost scene from Stand and Deliver.
All your weed are belong to us, OK? So let’s put that pot to good use by building a Mexican border wall made of the 17,000,000 pounds of marijuana confiscated by the Border Patrol! LiveLeaker Clark Griswold explains the video from The Center for Investigative Reporting:
We all know it’s hard to make money, and even hard to hold on to it. That’s why idiots like us need to who’s really picking our pockets and how they do it. And that’s why we recommend The Idiot’s Guide to Smart People: ‘Money’. [This video is NSFW if the word sh!t or however smart people spell it is a bad word at your job. You do have a job, right?]
PREVIOUSLY ON THE IDIOT’S GUIDE:
YouTube hands-on math star Vi Hart makes a hexaflexagon tortilla for a delicious two-layer Flex-Mex taco. Kids: You CAN try this at home with a flour tortilla, a knife, guac, frijoles, pico de gallo and cheese and a little bit of patience and manual dexterity. Remember that doll that said, “Math is hard”? Forget that babosa.
In the World Cup for the Futbol Team with the Most Twitter Followers, the winner is Selección Mexicana, @miseleccionmx on the Tuiter:
Chemistry Cat knows how to make good guac. Add to his knowledge base here.
PREVIOUSLY ON GUACAMOLE:
(PNS reporting from CAMBRIDGE, MASS) Did you know that the more lawyers there are in Puerto Rico, the more people die from falling out of their beds?
That’s the startling statistical relationship discovered by the prestigious Harvard Law-school-based Spurious Correlations Institute, one of many recently revealed on their website.
He’s white, of course, and flies all around the world in one night. Here’s how he does it!
Back in October, Florida created a new set of educational policies which permits/expects blacks and Latinos to test lower on standardized tests than whites or Asian students. Since they’re expected to test lower, Florida thereby eliminates the embarassing “achievement gap” and the white education bureaucrats can “stand their ground.”
While we’re at it, why don’t we segregate each classroom per race? We can even have separate bathrooms and drinking fountains per race. Seems legit!
I am actually the product of the Florida school system. This ethnic divide rule reminds me of my first year at the University of Central Florida. Though I had a great high school record and was making straight As, I had to take mandatory seminars teaching me how to do well in school.
Did everyone have to take these courses? Nope. Well, why would a straight-A student have to attend such seminars?
Because I am Latina.
If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!
There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.
Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.
As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:
Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing