The reaction to last week’s dark warning by a Latino Trump supporter that unchecked Mexicans will lead to “taco trucks on every corner” has exposed a beautiful truth: America loves loncheras.
But far too many taco fans only think of the food and not the people who make it. They fight to legalize carne asada, but not the millions of raza without papers in this country whose comida they happily grub.#tacotrucksoneverycorner is the perfect opportunity to educate the unwoke—and that’s why we formed The Taco Truck Party.
People will trash Mexicans all day and the nation shrugs, but say one bad word against the taco truck down the street, and America revolts—and rightfully so.
The taco truck represents America at its finest: multicultural, forward-thinking, entrepreneurial, and with al pastor always, slowly twirling. They have spread from their birthplace of Los Angeles to all points of the United States, with street vendors and the chorizo guy who sells door to door not far behind.
But this important constituency has no national party fighting for them—until now.
The Taco Truck Party seeks to advocate for loncheras and street vendors, standing up to haters and highlighting those brave folks who feed us daily and always replace the avocado salsa fast. We are two of the nation’s foremost taco experts, a token gabacho, and America’s preeminent Taco Cart Guy artist. Taco trucks can trust us to be their champion, their acolyte, their customer, their compa.
To paraphrase our Mechista past: In the spirit of a new people that is conscious not only of its proud historical taquero heritage but also of the brutal “Chipotle” invasion of our barrios, we, the undersigned, reclaiming the food trucks of our childhood and consecrating the determination of our tacos al pastor, declare that the call of our loncheras is our power, our responsibility, and our inevitable destiny.
Join us. Together, we can make America ASADA again!
Taco Trucks on All Corners
Some areas of the United States are light on taco trucks or have none whatsoever. We will talk to loncheros in saturated areas and convince them to become pioneers and move—to Montana, to Kentucky, to all of Trump’s headquarters just to fuck with him and his supporters. This Reconquista on wheels will not only lead to job creation and an influx of immigrants, but tacos!
Immediate Amnesty for All Food Makers
We, of course, support amnesty for all undocumented folks, but we hereby demand the immediate, expedited legalization of the millions of people in the food industry without papers, from the tomateros to the dishwashers, the elote lady to the line cook. We would literally starve without these men, women and children who feed us, as the food industry offers the ultimate examples of jobs that Americans won’t do—and if you don’t believe us, go pick tomatoes for a day.
A Path to Legalization for Fruit Carts, Taco Stand, and Tamales Sold out of Trunks
Believe or not, Trumpbros, nearly all food trucks in the United States are legal and are subject to stringent health code laws. The same, unfortunately, can’t be said for many underground food vendors, who tend to make food even better than loncheras: bootleg pulque, creamy cheeses, homemade chorizo.
This is a travesty, as we’re penalizing immigrants who exhibit American entrepreneurship and denying the public of some of the best food in America.
Instead of penalizing underground vendors, the Taco Truck Party will work with local authorities to bring these businesspeople out of the shadows, which will allow them to make more money and work toward a lonchera on the corner.
End Police Harassment of Street Vendors
With the #blacklivesmatter movement, the public finally knows how corrupt police can be. What hasn’t gotten as much attention is the daily humiliation street vendors face from cops, who will confiscate their food if not licensed and just throw it away—THE HORROR, EL HORROR. We will work to put an immediate stop to this harassment and make police go after, you know, real criminals. FTP—Fruit the Police!
Recognition of Taco Truck Equality
Too many Americans distinguish between “high-end” and “low-end” trucks—the luxe lonchera and the roach coach. We maintain this is a false dichotomy created by hipster pendejos that doesn’t take into account that at the end of each night, all licensed food trucks must park in the same commissary and be subject to the same regulations.
We will work to educate the public about this. At the same time, we will also work to push eaters to the better loncheras; we don’t believe in taco affirmative action. All tacos are created equal—but some are more equal than others.