Ñewsweek: We’re gonna party like it’s 19-ninety-Mayan!

It was the first of days, it was the last of days, it was Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012, The End of the World As We Know It. Or was it?

The beginning of the end, the middle of the end and the end itself dominated the ñews on POCHO this week.

Here are the week’s top stories:

Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

Yes, your Uncle Sam wastes your tax money on blogs while millions suffer and our country lurches toward the fiscal cliff. And Tio Sam says no Mayan Apocalypse for you, despite the obvious DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column of EVERY PAGE ON POCHO which says we only have two weeks left!

Ignoring hundreds of thousands of blog posts, websites, videos, prophecies and Tweets, Big Government wants to tell you what “scientists” think. These are the same “people” who think they know better than Hispanic Sen. Marco “Pollo” Rubio the age of the Earth. (It’s 6000 years, but who’s counting?)

Why are they doing this? “For the children!” )*&^%#

Here’s Monday’s official posting, from Blog.USA.gov:

Scary Rumors about the World Ending in 2012 Are Just Rumors

False rumors about the end of the world in 2012 have been commonplace on the Internet for some time. Many of these rumors involve the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 (it won’t), a comet causing catastrophic effects (definitely not), a hidden planet sneaking up and colliding with us (no and no), and many others.

Mas…Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

It’s coming — the End of the World As We Know it is just three weeks away — December 21 [CHECK OUR EXCLUSIVE MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN TIMER IN THE RIGHT COLUMN AND SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES.]

From the video:

The sun has been totally erupting with massive solar flares, dude, because the Earth and Jupiter are no longer in alignment, causing the Sun to fall inward on itself because there is less gravity pulling the Sun out, dig? Have you formulated emergency plans? It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 24 hours!

In China, Lu Zhenghai has been reading up on the upcoming Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday and he is totally prepared with his bitchin’ new self-constructed ark.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012: Volcanoes and tsunamis (video)

In an age when books have trailers, some trailers float higher in the flotsam and jetsam of mass-market, dead-tree publishing, especially when they graphically portray the destructive American volcanos and Atlantic tsunamis that will rock your world on Dec. 21. [See POCHO’s Mexclusive Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 Countdown Clock in the right column of this page.]

Only 1 in 7 believe in impending Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012

Only 15% will get a piece of Mayan Pie
Only 1 in 7 people has faced up to the fact that the world will end soon and maybe in December, according to a new poll released by Reuters.

“Whether they think it will come to an end through the hands of God, or a natural disaster or a political event, whatever the reason, one in seven thinks the end of the world is coming,” said Keren Gottfried, research manager at Ipsos Global Public Affairs which conducted the poll for Reuters.

“Perhaps it is because of the media attention coming from one interpretation of the Mayan prophecy that states the world ‘ends’ in our calendar year 2012,” Gottfried said.

Confused by the controversy? We need some disinformation and we need it now, and that’s why we turned to the Disinformation Company for this video.

Mas…Only 1 in 7 believe in impending Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012

Video: Strange noises terrify TX and OK, Popocatepetl rumbling

Reuters.com screen capture shows volcano

Every day brings us closer to Mayan Doomsday — Mother Earth will not rest.

Terrified reports of strange, unearthly noises have moved from the Upper Midwest and Canada to the Southwest, scaring the crap out of people in Amarillo, TX and rural Rogers County, OK.

South of the border, Mexican authorities just raised the alert level at the Popocatepetl volcano outside Mexico City.

The Amarillo incident is on video shot by two DJs from KISS FM who ran out of the studio to capture the ghostly howl (below).

Mas…Video: Strange noises terrify TX and OK, Popocatepetl rumbling

Hoy in History 1/1 and welcome to 2012, the Mayan last year

The Zapatista Rebellion was born this day in 1994 – Que Viva EZLN!

The Zapatistas… issued a declaration which amounted to a declaration of war on the Mexican government, which they considered so out of touch with the will of the people as to make it completely illegitimate.

Welcome to 2012, the last year, according to the Mayan Calendar, which predicts the end of the world on Dec. 21. No worries – we have what you need:

  • A countdown clock on the right so you can sync your watch for the big day
  • This New Age technomuzak didactic rap video by Gurudevi which links the Mayan wisdom to a properly calibrated understanding of the 13-month-cycles of noospheric spacetime (WARNING DON’T WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU ARE DRIVING):

Mas…Hoy in History 1/1 and welcome to 2012, the Mayan last year

Lalo’s Pocho Ocho New Year’s resolutions

8. Wear more slimming clothes

7. Get a new job to supplement income from five other jobs

6. Take a vacation at one of those nice FEMA camps

5. Quit drinking alcohol that doesn’t get me fucked up really fast

4. Reduce financial stress by picking up a hobby, like bank robbing, or writing a hit song

3. Start eating my 10-year supply of freeze-dried survival food

2. “Party Like It’s 2012”

And my top New Year’s Resolution for 2012:

72 dpi


What are your New Year’s resolutions? Post them here!