(PNS reporting from the ALT YORK CITY, ALT YORK) The Wednesday issue of the local “Alt-Right” newspaper — The Putin Press & Patriot — was prepared to report a Hillary Clinton’s election victory as an “attack” on America, PNS has learned (photo.) [Editor’s Note: A “newspaper” is an pre-Millennial period analog instantiation of intellectual property — i.e. “content” — fixed on a physical medium comprised of a data-carrying chemical reagent and processed dead trees.]
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Venezuela-based “transparency” website JuikiLiques dropped some big political bombshells this morning — the so-called “October Surprise.”
POCHO’s Especial Correspondents axed all the refryable sources to concoct this list, so check it out: The Pocho Ocho Top Juikiliques Bombshells:
8. Donald Trump’s plan to have “Mexico pay for the wall” relies on hiring Mexican workers, not paying them, and then deporting them, a scheme that worked so well in previous real estate projects.
7. Hillary Clinton threw away over 200 valuable AOL membership CDs and never told the FBI.
6. Donald Trump’s hairdresser, former airport cosmetologist Manila Envelopé, won’t use anything but Tres Flores mousse for Trump’s weave-over, but she removes the labels so the Donald won’t know.
Reports are circulating that Donald Trump and/or his staff have been combing over his Twitter timeline and deleting embarrassing Tweets — remarks he and his campaign no longer want to defend. One Tweet he wishes wasn’t his claimed that China invented climate change to steal American jobs, a Tweet ridiculed Monday night by Hillary Clinton (photo.)
POCHO’s staff has been going over the Twitter archives and grabbed screenshots of some @RealDonaldTrump Tweets that are probably next on the deletion hit list.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Most Damaging:
Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 32nd Presidente of the United Estates and Democratic Party icon, is back from the dead and live on YouTube with a video that explains in one minute what to expect in tonight’s Clinton vs Trump debate. Like both former Presidents Bush, former President Clinton, and former President Carter, former President Roosevelt will not be voting for Donald Trump.
Make tonight’s presidential debate extra especial with the POCHO Debate Drinking Game, sponsored by Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila.
Keep your eyes on the screen, stay alert and react swiftly! Life is chort!
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Castro, a rising star in the party, was chosen for his ability to reach white voters.
Castro is fluent in English and very comfortable with white Americans. “Hello,” he said in his first public address as the vice-presidential nominee. “I’m happy to be here with all of you today.” The crowd responded warmly to his introduction in their native language.
“What most people don’t realize is that Julian speaks excellent English. It will give him the ability to communicate with the white vote” said a source close to the nominee.
Democrat Hillary Clinton is already making history. And come November, she could achieve another milestone: Becoming America’s first Madam President. Yet behind the groundbreaking nature of her candidacy lies an absence of women in elected office. The U.S. lags behind the rest of the world in female representation at the national level,
In August of 1920, American women finally got the right to vote. Cartoonist Elmer Andrews “E.A.” Bushnell used the occasion to predict that a woman could/would/should become President of the United States. [Click on the image to enlarge.]
Here’s the Library of Congress listing for this image:
Title: [The sky is now her limit] / Bushnell 20.
Other Title: Enfranchisement now means the sky’s the limit, in woman’s sphere
Creator(s): Bushnell, Elmer Andrews, 1872-1939, artist
Date Created/Published: [1920 Aug.] Medium: 1 photomechanical print : line photoengraving.
Summary: Cartoon shows a young woman carrying buckets on a yoke, looking up at ladder ascending up to the sky, bottom rungs labeled “Slavery,” “House Drudgery,” and “Shop Work.” Top rungs labeled “Equal Suffrage,” “Wage Equity,” and “Presidency.”
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The FBI is warning citizens to be on the lookout for hungry zombies attracted by the brains spewed from the exploding heads of diehard Bernie Bros.
Bernie Sanders supporters’ brains, the Feds said, are piling up on the streets of gentrified neighborhoods across America.
The brainiac explosions followed Sanders’ endorsement of Democratic presidential nomination rival Hillary Clinton this morning.
“These zombies especially love the entitled taste of Bernie Bro brains,” FBI spokesman Whitman “Ken” Jump told a press conference here today (photo). “We’re calling them Zombros.“