ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees

Inviting metal benches say, "Sit, but for not too long!"

(PNS reporting from DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEJAS) U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is opening what they call the first-ever “resort-style hotel” for immigrant detainees.

Critics are calling the new Karnes County (TX) Civil Detention Center a “prison for profit” but ICE is marketing it as a migrant “destination” with “vast amenities” that will keep immigrant detainees coming back for more.

Mas…ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees

Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars

(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Local publisher Benjamin “Sparky” Franklin (Poor Richard’s Almanac) is shocked by all the non-English-speaking dark-skinned foreigners in the City of Brotherly Love and worries about how our planet appears to residents of Venus and Mars.

The “swarthy” German newcomers are too stupid to learn English, the Society Hill resident charged in a recent newsletter:

Mas…Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars

Alabama legislators to ‘import’ Canadian workers to fill jobs

Recent aerial photo shows rotting crops
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) In a move to avoid further financial ruin and humiliation, Alabama legislators are considering an unusual measure called the “Canuck Program” that would “import” laborers from Canadia to fill empty Alabama jobs.

Immigrant Mexican labor has all but disappeared from the Alabama landscape and the state has lost $10.8 billion in rotting crops and revenue.

Lawmakers desperate for solutions hope the Canuck Program will resuscitate the Yellowhammer State’s ignorant and bigoted economy.

Mas…Alabama legislators to ‘import’ Canadian workers to fill jobs

Daniel D. Portado tells Rachel Maddow about ‘self-deportation’ (video)

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POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz joined the Rachel Maddow show on MSNBC Wednesday evening to discuss the fictional Daniel D. Portado character he created in 1994 to mock a racist California anti-immigrant measure. Lalo’s “self-deportation” hoax solution for undocumented residents was reborn last week as GOP hopeful Mitt Romney suggested “illegal” immigrants should “self-deport.”

Obama immigration officials run out of immigrants to deport, switch to deporting American citizens

In a curious move, the Barack Obama White House is campaigning tirelessly for the Latino  re-election vote while also deporting a record number of undocumented immigrants.

In a mad dash to burnish their law-and-order credentials, Obama officials have deported over a million undocumented immigrants during the past 2 1/2 years and are on track to out-deport the two-term Bush administration’s 1.57 million. In fact, they have deported so many undocumented immigrants they may have depleted the supply.

They have turned to an American resource to fill the void: deporting U.S. citizens. The instances are numerous, and growing:

Mas…Obama immigration officials run out of immigrants to deport, switch to deporting American citizens