TO: ALL POCHO ESTAFF MEMBERS
FROM: JOSÉ CANUSÍ, JEFE-DE-HR
DATE: MARCH 11, 2020
RE: CORONA VIRUS PRECAUTIONS
Your lives are somewhat important to us. That's why we've instituted eight new prophylactic measures to reduce estaff exposure to some possibly dangerous germs and shit.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways We're Fighting the Corona Virus:
8. The 11AM editorial meeting, usually held at BarrioBucks, has been moved to the Wuhan Wok restaurant next door because they value our business, whereas BB won't let us forget that chanclazo in December.
7. Please see me for your choice of luchador masks and/or dog cones to help you not touch your face.
6. Hand sanitizing stations have been installed around the office that dispense Vicks® VapoRub™.
“The mask is the most important accessory in lucha libre because the mask makes a warrior,” according Magno, a luchador for over 20 years.
Luchadores place such a premium on their in-ring personas that they refuse to reveal their identities whenever they appear at an event. The mask draws from Mexican history in which Mayans and Aztecs warriors would complete for superiority.
“They used to paint their faces to symbolize the warrior because they used to fight against each other to become the god, to become the top one,” according to Magno.
Pittsburgh pendejo Sam Polinsky moved to Mexico to get a job as lucha libre bad guy — a “rudo.” How rude can you go? He’s a Trumpista!
The National (United Arab Emirates) explains:
Cassandra is the “Queen of the Ring,” a champion wrestler in drag – not that there’s anything wrong with that.
PREVIOUSLY ON CASSANDRA:
The Big Fancy Coloring Book offers something special for odd grownups, peculiar kids, and lovers of absurd drawings of tacos, Frida Kahlo and/or Chiquita Banana and/or Carmen Miranda, luchadores and armadillos. It’s the latest creative product from our mysterious amigo, The Painter of Arizona Light, whose Internet spokespern is known as El Rey Del Art (so-called self portrait, above).
We’ve secured especial permission to share four of El Rey’s droppings here:
Speaking of underwear, I wear black lucha libre chonies because that’s how I feel inside. This is a real product, as manufacturer WrassleRoos esplains:
It’s Tuesday, and The Madcaps, from Rennes in western France, want tacos from the Taco Truck. In this just-released music video, that means cactus, chiles, Dios de los Muertos, sombreros, mariachis, French approximations of cholos in Pendletons, associated hynas, tequila shots, and luchadores. Plus some ugly-looking tacos.
Luchador El Hijo del Fantasma says he and wrestling partner Vladimir Putin would beat President Obama and Mexican Presidente Enrique Peña Nieto in a tag team match.
He’s here, he’s queer and he’s the three-time world champion. Meet Cassandro, Luchador Exotico. Arielle Castillo reports for Fusion Live.
Barto, Барто in Russki, an electropunk combo from Saint Petersburg, rocks the Chalupa “Hostal & Mezcalería” in this new video. The “hostal” is in Tulum in the Mexican state of Quintana Roo, on the Yucutan Peninsula. Also, luchadores.
Their arrival on the scene prompts the managers of wholesome pastime to just in case lock away the sound equipment. Informed by rational choice theories, my strategic tit-for-tat insistence to unlock it for a gig results in firing of the petitioner.
Red-headed Frida wants to triumph in lucha libre but she needs to find some inner strength first, not to mention her secret ingredient.
PREVIOUSLY ON LUCHA LIBRE:
A 1985 A-Ha award-winning music video gets cumbia-nated and lucha-fied in this just-released re-make from hometown heroes El Conjunto Nueva Ola. It’s not Take On Me, they say. It’s Taco Me. Look for the Spanglish captions! 😉
Here’s the A-Ha video:
The match doesn’t always end at the bell, because in Lucha Libre, wrestlers never rest.
PREVIOUSLY ON LUCHADORES: