The Gettysburg Address by the Presidents of the United States (videos)


Director Ken Burns got all the living Presidents — and some celebrity friends — to recite Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, the speech first delivered at a Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania 150 years ago today.

But when Civil War-reinacting Confederate soldier wannabes run into reality, rebellion doesn’t seem like so much fun any more:

Mas…The Gettysburg Address by the Presidents of the United States (videos)

Swimmer Diana Nyad tows 400 balseros from Cuba to USA

balserosweb(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) Diana Nyad walked onshore here Monday, becoming the first person to swim from Cuba towing 400 escaping balseros. The 64-year-old Nyad swam up to the beach just before 2PM EDT, about 53 hours after she began her journey in Havana.

As she approached, spectators waded into waist-high water and surrounded the Cuban refugees, and offering them water. “I have three messages. One is, we should never, ever give up. Two is, you’re never too old to chase your dream. Three is, all you Cubans better pay me the smuggling money you owe me.”

“I have to say, I’m a little bit out of it right now,” Nyad said. She gestured toward her swollen lips, and simply said “Cubans.”

Mas…Swimmer Diana Nyad tows 400 balseros from Cuba to USA

Pocho Ocho things about the USA that surprise Cuban defectors


Cuban ballet dancers who recently defected from their troupe in Mexico and now live in Miami are “amazed at how many foods come canned and can be easily heated up in a microwave,” according to the Associated Press.

Canned foods! But wait, there’s mas. Here are the Pocho Ocho other things about the U.S. that also surprised our new island immigrants:

8. Studebaker, DeSoto, Willys and Nash are out of the automobile business

7. America’s most famous Cuban? Mark Cuban

6. Fidel is a sofa bed mogul and Che sells t-shirts

Mas…Pocho Ocho things about the USA that surprise Cuban defectors

Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)


Happy Tax Day, pochos! This week on MiJA I discuss the near conclusion of back-room negotiations on immigration “reform” and delve deep into the heart of the Internets to discover Barbies of the World. You think Mexican Barbie is bad — Peruvian Barbie comes with an anchor baby (and she’s not the worst of them!)

Mas…Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)

First Person: My moment with Marco Rubio and his big Cuban butt

I remember the high school student version of Marco Rubio, with his neatly-pressed shirts always tucked in, his toothy smile and his bleached white socks. But most of all, I remember his butt.

The Cuban man butt holds a special place in my heart — it’s a thing of wonder and mystery. Why Cuban men have big butts I may never know. However, there are some gifts you just don’t question. You don’t look a gift butt in the mouth.

We only had one brief encounter, Marco and me. For months I had watched him from the other end of the cafeteria at South Miami Senior High School. He’d drink 7-Up and laugh with his friends about Michael Dukakis. I never had the nerve to say much of anything. Until that day.

Mas…First Person: My moment with Marco Rubio and his big Cuban butt

@MexicanMitt Romney: The Estate of the Union esta chingada

Hola Gueyes! This is my Live Tweet/State of the Union response chingadera. Will someone please get me a water, that bottle I’m looking at is right out of reach. CHINGAO!

MEXIPHONE CHECK, JUAN TU, JUAN TU

HIJOLE EL TWITTER IS ESLOW, IT’S MORE CLOGGED THAN THE TOILET AT EL TORITO

HEY OBAMA, STOP TOUCHING THE CROWD, YOU ARE NOT LL COOL J

THE ESTATE OF THE UNION ESTA CHINGADA

IT IS OUR YENERATION’S TASK TO IGNITE DORNER’S CABIN

FREE ENTERPRISE ISN’T FOR FREELOADERS

Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney: The Estate of the Union esta chingada

From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos

GOP leaders are undergoing sensitivity training as they re-evaluate immigration reform. Too often, insiders say, Republicans’ choice of words has hidden their true love for Latinos.

“Tone and rhetoric will be key,” is the message from Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Hispanic Leadership Network.  Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA), who chairs the GOP’s Vendido Caucus, champions “a kinder, gentler racism.”

Top Republicans will receive a list of phrases that should never, ever be used when discussing immigration reform. Here are the pocho ocho things NEVER to say:

8. Git’ back in your beaner-mobile!
7. Speak inglish you ‘ignant brownie.
6. We ain’t need no anchor babies.

Mas…From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos

Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

Yes, your Uncle Sam wastes your tax money on blogs while millions suffer and our country lurches toward the fiscal cliff. And Tio Sam says no Mayan Apocalypse for you, despite the obvious DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column of EVERY PAGE ON POCHO which says we only have two weeks left!

Ignoring hundreds of thousands of blog posts, websites, videos, prophecies and Tweets, Big Government wants to tell you what “scientists” think. These are the same “people” who think they know better than Hispanic Sen. Marco “Pollo” Rubio the age of the Earth. (It’s 6000 years, but who’s counting?)

Why are they doing this? “For the children!” )*&^%#

Here’s Monday’s official posting, from Blog.USA.gov:

Scary Rumors about the World Ending in 2012 Are Just Rumors

False rumors about the end of the world in 2012 have been commonplace on the Internet for some time. Many of these rumors involve the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 (it won’t), a comet causing catastrophic effects (definitely not), a hidden planet sneaking up and colliding with us (no and no), and many others.

Mas…Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

BREAKING: Romney VP search reaches deep in the heart of Texas

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) BREAKING ÑEWS: Mitt Romney’s campaign “will neither confirm nor deny” that the GOP presidential candidate has chosen a running mate. The candidate’s vice presidential “short list” has long included Florida Sen. Marco Rubio and former governor Tim Pawlenty, but now campaign insiders are suggesting the search is over and Romney has chosen country music legend Randy Travis.

Once deemed George Bush Sr.’s favorite country music star, Travis has been actively campaigning for the slot for over a week, especially in Texas.

Mas…BREAKING: Romney VP search reaches deep in the heart of Texas

Pocho Ocho reasons Romney won’t choose Marco Rubio for VP

As reported by the Miami Herald, there are about 8,000 reasons why Mitt Romney might not pick Florida’s Teabbagged Sen. Marco Rubio for as his running mate. Here are the top eight:

8. Sin Papeles. He’s illegal! It’s debatable who has the wetter back since Romney is from Mexico but Rubio is just as undocumented and some would argue more “deportable.” Rubio fled Cuba not because of the Revolución but because no one there could stand him. The guy’s an asshole.

More reasons and startling photographic evidence below.

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Romney won’t choose Marco Rubio for VP

GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’

Publicity photo courtesy 4REELZ network

(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal.

Seagal leads the list of C-level actors in You’re Busted, Beaner!new Republican Party-backed reality series. Seagal stars as a cop who pursues “illegals” while promoting the GOP’s non-Mexican Hispanic-friendly agenda.

The show will be produced by Tinsel Town’s sole Republican, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Mas…GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’