Tia Lencha’s Dispatch: ¡Que Viva Los Doyers! Unlikely Heroes

This has been quite a week for Fernando Valenzuela and Mexican-American Dodgers and Dodger fans.

Tuesday, Valenzuela, one of my childhood heroes, had his number 34 jersey retired.

There was a whole weekend of festivities in his honor, including a video of his brothers and sister congratulating him all the way from Mexico.

His story always made me proud to be Mexican while I was growing up in the 1980s, when it wasn’t a particularly great time to be Mexican.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Dispatch: ¡Que Viva Los Doyers! Unlikely Heroes

Castro and Obama start a new era with beisbol in Havana (GIF,video)

Cuba’s President Raul Castro and President Barack Obama were the world’s most famous fans Tuesday as they wrapped up their historic fence-mending encounter by doing the wave at an exhibition baseball game in Havana.

Mas…Castro and Obama start a new era with beisbol in Havana (GIF,video)

Diamondbacks’ Pocho Ocho top dessert concepts before the Churro Dog

churrodogYes, they actually went there. Look for a new dessert this season at Chase Field in Phoenix as the National League Arizona Diamondbacks present the “Churro Dog.” Thankfully, no dogs were harmed in the making of this gut-busting, grand-standing heart-stopping dessert.

WTF is a Churro Dog, exactly? ESPN has the story:

The Churro Dog is a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a Long John chocolate-glazed donut, which is then topped with frozen yogurt, caramel and chocolate sauces. Its estimated calorie count is 1,117.

But the Churro Dog concept wasn’t a random bark in the dark of night, no sir. Many ideas were thrown around the marketing infield, barking up the wrong tree, before the Churro Dog got the front office excited enough to get to third base. And you know what? Here they are — the Diamondback’s Pocho Ocho Top Rejected Dessert Concepts before the Churro Dog:

8. Willie Relleno

7. Negrito Refrito

6. Pink Cotton Candy Taco

Mas…Diamondbacks’ Pocho Ocho top dessert concepts before the Churro Dog

Play ball! Five tips to survive Los Doyers 2013

Baseball season starts Monday. For me, it means six months of praying and hoping that the Dodgers can turn their billion-dollar payroll into championship glory.

Those Dodger games can be expensive and explosive. There is nothing better than sitting through the United States’ answer to the soccer (including riots if you show up wearing the wrong cap.) So here is a guide to surviving your outing with Los Doyers.

TIP #1: Be prompt: The reason you want to be there is merely for seating. With the right kind of heart, you can treat the experience like an event with general admission. Do not get greedy.

If you have nosebleed ZZZ tickets, don’t try to sneak in to the A+ section behind luminary celebrities like Fred Savage or one of the Real Housewives. Row G is good enough. Most Dodger fans do not show until the fourth inning anyway. Do not get disheartened if you get kicked out by the real owner. Just pretend to be confused and act like my Tia Chicha trying to set up a DVR. Then be brazen and try to slide into Row F.

Mas…Play ball! Five tips to survive Los Doyers 2013

Twitter War! Iron Sheik says Jose Canseco ‘Worst Mexican of All Time’

The Sheik dissed Canseco on Twitter
The Sheik plans to "humble" Canseco

(PNS reporting from DIXIE) Though the competition was stiffer than Ronald Reagan’s corpse, retired MLB douchebag and Twitter hack Jose Canseco has been declared the Worst Mexican of All Time by ex-professional wrestler The Iron Sheik.

Canseco has the “raisin balls” and is an embarrassment to all of Mexico, The Sheik told PNS.

The contest was too close to call by many Mexperts but after the votes were tallied, Canseco won the prestigious title hands down, beating out Geraldo Rivera, Tito Santana, Raffi Torres, Mel Gibson, O.J. Simpson and Mario Lopez.

When notified he did not win, Geraldo responded by weeping on Fox and Friends, remarking that he felt “manually raped” by the results.

Mas…Twitter War! Iron Sheik says Jose Canseco ‘Worst Mexican of All Time’