LiveLeak’s Jeffrey Barber has some serious warnings for you guys so listen up, K?
The pulsating you can see on this desk are YOYO NIOPION. These are extraterrestrial termites. They voraciously consumer not only wood, but everything. I mean EVERYTHING! but stone. They eat glass, steel, aluminum, plastic, wood, but most of all, they like, lithium. They thrive on lithium.
The two places that lithium is big in our reality are batteries, and in our brains. The YOYO NIOPION eat both of these things.
Scary, right? You don’t know the half of it!
There’s nothing wrong with any of these state-of-the-art electronic spying devices we picked up at the NSA year-end auction. They’re new, they’re still in the original packaging and they are the very best in the world, except for one thing:
They are last year’s models.
That’s just not the way your National Security Agency rolls.
So check out these two items just released for sale (click to enlarge) and if you want to see more, click on the big link below.
(PNS reporting from LA PAZ) Bolivian Pres. Evo Morales is angry that the United States “racially-profiled” his jet as it was leaving a conference in Moscow and forced it to land in Austria, the whitest country in Europe.
Bolivian Foreign Minister David Choquehuanca, who was mistaken for Morales at a press conference in Vienna, said the incident last week was a clear case of racial profiling, as the first question authorities asked the pilot when they landed was, “Do you know why we pulled you over?”
Austria charged the plane matched the description of another plane that was suspected of smuggling fugitive U.S. intelligence leaker Edward Snowden out of Russia, and that its tail light was out, according to Choquehuanca.
(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) The Internets slowed to a virtual crawl yesterday as millions of experts in Constitutional Law and The Holy Bible took to Twitter and Facebook to educate ignorant netizens about the God-hating freedom-attacking Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage.
“It was definitely a brownout, dude,” according to 18-year-old Jaime “Twitchy” Loftwich, who runs the worldwide computer network from the basement of his mom’s home in Palo Alto. “Hella load,” he emailed PNS. “I haven’t seen ping times like that since Kim Kardashian was rushed to Cedars-Sinai!”
(ALBUQUERQUE, NM) The Feds have arrested a man who allegedly threatened to detonate a bomb-filled burrito (artist’s conception, right) in the FBI office here, a man who has claimed that he was personally the subject of government spying.
His shocking accusation?
Uncle Sam AKA Tio Sam implanted brain-tapping equipment in his cabeza.
Brian DeMarco, 50, a resident of the Super 8 Motel off of Coors Boulevard, revealed to authorities that the government “placed a tracking device inside his head” in addition to “beaming photons.”
If confirmed, his allegation would dovetail perfectly with a POCHO Mexclusive story about how the National Security Agency (NSA) has outsourced surveillance of Americans in border states to the Mexican Security Agency (MSA.)
Great Britain’s MI5 and MI6 are American partners in Europe. Israel’s Mossad and Shin Bet have the Mideast portfolio.
And in Latino communities in the United Estates, invading your privacy has been outsourced to the Mexican Security Agency (MSA).
Paranoid yet? Here are the Pocho Ways to tell if the Mexican Security Agency (MSA) is espying on you:
8. Neighborhood burros watch you suspiciously after you wake up from your cactus-shaded siesta.
7. Whenever you post that you ROFLMAO when you really only LOL, you get an anonymous text that says “En boca cerrada, no entran moscas.”
6. When Chivas fans do the “Mexican wave” on TV, they hold up big cards that spell out your email password.